Clothes Maketh the Woman

So I received the new Victoria's Secret Swimsuit Catalog on Monday.

I have now officially become old.

Mr. Manners and I were thumbing through it, and most (if not all) of the bathing suits displayed so proudly on their pages reminded me of underwear. There were certainly very few things that I would wear. In fact, unless your name is Giselle or Helena or Eva....you shouldn't wear them either. Leopard print, hip string bikini bottoms that had black lace for the string and around the edges. That's right. I want to go to the beach, a public place, and go swimming with my crotch edged in lace. That says "stare at me and make me uncomfortable" to a normal person, and to a madman says "stare at me, make me uncomfortable, and then attack me in the parking lot".

I'd be so horrified if I had a daughter who thought that was appropriate.

My mailbox is regularly inundated with catalogs, in fact. I know I've gotten old when I can't find a damn thing at the mall, ever....so I catalog shop. Territory Ahead, J Peterman, Spiegel, LL Bean, etc. A trip to the mall? Bah. Never anything at Ann Taylor (their sizing is wrong for me anyway), never anything at Gap (I did buy a men's small shirt there last year that I love), or Limited, or Express, and I don't buy underwear from Victoria's Secret because most of it cannot go in the washer, and I do NOT handwash anything. Bebe...mostly too slutty but I do own two dresses from there. Macy's....ah, my Macy's...you were so much better when you were a Rich's. Now you are trying to upscale yourself to compete with Nordstrom's and Bloomies, and your clothing selection really stinks. I might live in an urban area, but urban clothes do not appeal to me. Essentially, the shops for women at the mall all have clothing that looks way too old, and anything else looks way too young. Thank goodness for Banana!

Just a note: normally, I quite like Spiegel. This spring's line, however, contains some of the most ugly, hideous clothing I've ever seen. Seriously. High waisted palazzo pants, just to give you an example. A leopard print business suit with a plunging v neck red sweater.

The only thing missing was a pair of four inch acrylic fuck me heels.

Honestly.

I'm old.