If I Ruled the World:

It would only rain on weekdays, when one is forced to be in the office.

All essential “girl” products would be tax free.

You’d just have a national sales tax, and not an income tax.

Anyone with a base salary of $400,000 or more should be required to explain personally to each individual he/she lays off why said person deserves to retain his/her job (and gross salary) more than the person laid off.

You’d have ONE cleaning product for everything (have you looked beneath your sink? What is all that shit FOR????)

There would be a market for sweaters woven out of Golden Retriever hair.

A family of elves would reside in my house…elves who liked nothing more than to vacuum daily!

And they’d have some cousins named Yard Gnomes…who liked to rake leaves and clean gutters!

Dogs would leave the room to fart, and not crawl under my bed in the middle of the night for the express pleasure of saturating the room with the scent of dead and partially digested squirrel.

Every day would be pizza day!

One would have to take an IQ test to: drive, have a child, run for office.

Banks would stop charging me money for the pleasure of holding onto my money and lending it out to other people.

People would stop killing each other in the name of…whatever religion/conflict/issue arises each day.

Hmmm…I’m sure I’ll think of others. LG? Meg? Pandora? Princess Fred? Bock? Anyone? Hallloooooooo