Alternate Reality

I have this idea that if there are parallel universes, somewhere, there is a me that is in everyway the complete polar opposite of who I am now.

So let’s see.

If I were in an alternate reality, I think my name would be Jackie, and I’d be missing some front teeth. I’d be living down in the holler in a double wide I inherited from my uncle Hank after he died from liver failure with my high school sweetheart turned husband named Jesse. I’d have boobs, and am enormously fat, and would have no job, and big 80’s style hair. I’d spend my days figuring out how to make different lookin’ meals out of the same old shitty cuts of meat Jesse brought home from the meat processing plant, and struggling to help my sons finish their homework. I’d be pregnant with my third child, and would have given birth to the first two at home, on a mattress we’d have just burned last year on account of being too dirty. I would have never crossed the state line, never seen the ocean, never seen a lake bigger than….Fort Mountain. I’d be smoking Eve Light Menthols, and buying black Miss Clairol to color my hair at home. And smoking while I color my hair. My sons would be fat, having spent any money they could get their hands on buying shit I couldn’t give them, like ding dongs and moon pies. A gourmet meal would be a piece of fish that wasn’t fried, but neither my kids nor my husband would eat it. If this really were a total opposite reality, I’d have a still somewhere on the property, with a couple of coon dogs, and I’d be testing my own wares that I would sell to supplement Jesse’s shitty paycheck. I’d wear overalls, and know how to drive a tractor!

OMG, I think I’m about to have a stroke.

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