Thanks to my anonymous (am I the only one who can spell that by going anon y mouse? and dropping the e?) poster of the FWB thread; I now have a new topic.

Coupledom. Coupling (good show, that). Boyfriend/Girlfriend. Significant Other. Honey Bunches.

You get the idea. At what point do two people become a couple? Is there a set length of time, like some sort of gestation period, and at the conclusion of said period are you now a couple? Is it a major milestone in your dating career?

Hm. Let me give this some thought....

Right. I know a few people (really, I do) who have different ideas on the subject so I'll see if I can recap them for you succinctly.

Dating - Dating is the "let's get to know each other phase" frequently followed by the "let's get it on" phase. Dating is where you are on your best manners, properly groomed, coiffed (the word of the week, I guess), manicured/pedicured, elegant, mannerly best. If you are just dating you avoid discussions about the big three - religion, politics and sex - as well as their third cousin twice removed - family. You ask insipid questions.

"Gee, Jim, what do you do for a living?"

"Well, Betsy, I'm a thermonuclear submarine superhero transcendental specialist".

"Oh".

You twiddle around something that might pass for conversation. You have a nice meal, see a movie, maybe go meet up with some friends for a beer or a friendly game of pool.

I feel compelled to add that the aforementioned date descriptions are NOT my idea of a good time. Just in case you wanted to know.

But you get the picture. Dating is the selection process by which we decide whom we are going to bed with. Jim probably doesn't have a shot with Betsy...because, let's just face right up to it here, he makes Betsy feel dumb. And women do not go to bed with men that make them feel inferior. But he probably has a shot with Erica, the sky diving monkey assassin from Elbonia. Hey, it could happen! Actually, dating also resembles one of those Law and Order style police lineups - "yeah, the guy in the grey pin striped suit third from the left! He's the one that stole my heart!"

So I don't think you're a couple when you date.

Coupledom implies a few things to me. Things like: you actually sleep in someone else's bed, and use someone else's household goods. You aren't creeped out by the potential of sharing toothpaste. You can pee in front of each other (really, try peeing in front of someone you DON'T like or think of that way). You aren't lying awake at night wondering how quietly you can gnaw off your arm to escape whenever you are. You have meals together. You exchange horror stories about ex's (and become completely indignant on your partner's behalf!). You shop together. You take trips together. You talk about the future. You meet each others families. Oh, and yeah, you have sex and pencil little pink hearts on each others car windows in the morning and starlight emanates from your eyes when you smile and you both fart daisies...that kinda thing.

FWB...you guys hang out. You go for a beer once in a while. You have sex once in a while. You talk an enormous amount about everything. You hear all the other things going on in the person's life outside of yourself. It's humanly possible to get angry at your "friend" and not talk to them for two weeks, only to have them confess that they didn't realize you were angry. You can have...burping contests and not gross each other out. Family and friend stuff is all separate. You do argue, sometimes violently, about politics, religion and family. You disagree on all the major subjects, but you still hang out. That’s why it’s called FWB.

There’s not a milestone either at which an FWB crosses into the other half of a couple. That implies a serious, mature discussion about the “future” of the relationship which must occur prior to the late night visit to the bar and ensuing drunken phone call. When you’re younger, you say cute things like “let’s go steady” or swap rings or letter jackets (or whatever those whippersnappers do these days – tattoos? Swapping body piercings?). As an adult, coupledom becomes “let’s be monogamous” or “you aren’t seeing anyone else, are you?” or “honey, why is there a uhaul in my driveway?”. Of course, as a teenager the ultimate experience is sex, and as an adult it’s marriage (or whatever version of a long term partnership you prefer or have available).

Ah, I lost the plot here obviously.

What’s a good date for Eliza? There are three kinds. There is the “Eliza is a fairy tale princess” date – early light dinner, opera (I really do like it, honestly) or symphony (ditto), and then a late drink. And there is the casual date “Eliza wearing shorts in the woods hiking with her dogs and having a picnic with her new friend”. Lastly, there’s the “let’s go somewhere” date. Like…let’s pack and head off to the beach just for a day. That’s the way to my heart! A six pack of Corona, a pound of peel and eat, and a beachtowel!

So what do YOU think?