It's amazing what you can do in this day and age and not get fired.

It reminds me of the Dilbert where Wally comes to the office wearing his underwear, and proceeds to take it off and pull it down over the PHB's head, because the company has such a generous severance package that getting laid off seemed like a better idea to him than staying employed.

Of course, we no longer have such beautiful RIF packages here (a week for a year, if lucky).

But I've come to the conclusion that it is very hard to get fired unless you are rich, white, male, or dead, or embezzling, or looking at Thai kiddie porn while drinking black market Russian Vodka locked in a toilet with two aboriginal midgets smoking cuban cigars while taking a bath in a tub full of the finest Saudi crude.

(I am very fond of that paragraph. It is dazzlingly excessive, isn't it?)

However, some things can get you fired. Especially in a right to work state. Did you know that not showing up or not calling is called job abandonment, and in most states means you can be terminated under state law immediately and without further notification? Most employers don't like to be sued, so they soften this with little things called "action plans".

Here's a conversation from my teenage years, witnessed one Christmas as I worked at a Record Bar between another employee and a manager:

Manager: "So...what happened to you yesterday? You didn't show up for your shift, and SusieBells had to cover for you"

Employee: "Oh, you know, I wasn't feeling too good so I didn't come to work"

Manager: "What about the day before"

Employee: "I wasn't feeling too good either"

Manager: "Well, Bob, I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go"

Employee: "Yeah, I figured. When do I get my last check?"

Today's dialog is something like:

Rajeev: "Samir, where were you for the last two days? You did not report to work?"

Samir: "I am having some issues, I did not come in to work. This is ok?"

Rajeev: "No, this is not ok. I am going to have to put you on an action plan according to HR. You will have to sign here on this piece of paper saying you will not miss work without calling again. It is called this thing called job abandonment and HR is making me say if you do it one more time you will get written up again and if you do it still one more time you will get written up again and if you do it still one more time we will set alight the grail shaped beacon alight castle anthrax...

Wait,

wrong post.

You get the idea.