Here's a list of things I never want to hear in the office again:

1. Stop the bleeding - do you work in the medical field? are you a vet tech or a paramedic? Then, darlings, STFU. I work in the financial services industry. The only thing bleeding here are the wallets of our collective vampiric CEO's. This is one of the most overused expressions in the office today. Nothing bleeds here, people, except possibly your nose, or some other appendage (or possibly an orifice if I am having a really bad day) if I hear you say this ONE more time.

2. Calendar a meeting - to calendar is not an action. You do not calendar something. You schedule something. You think you sound cool; you sound like Bill Gates has shoved his hand up your ass and is using you as the newest Microsoft Sock Puppet.

3. Dialog with you. You know, I'm so disgusted right now, I can't even tell you what this means. Does this mean you actually want to talk? Honestly?

4. And in closing, my personal all time favorite, mentioned previously, frequently, and with the greatest laughter known to man (this is right up there with the Ass Tick Indians, coined completely by Mr. Manners):

"Please excuse the incontinence"

Any other contributions?