You're so Vain

So today I picked up an Allure magazine. It's not one that is in my normal rotation of junk (for some reason, I really love Glamour, and the New Yorker, and the Economist. I know, it's a weird mix).

This month's edition is all about combating the signs of ageing and was chock full of interesting interviews and tid bits with women talking about what they were doing in their beauty routines to combat the signs of ageing. Moisturizers, anti oxidants, high colonics, water diets, etc.

I have come to one conclusion:

These women are nuts.

Okay, wait, I have come to two conclusions:

These women are nuts AND high maintenance.

This is my morning routine: let out dogs, brush teeth, shower (I always condition, but only shampoo twice a week), shave legs, soap self, use cold cream on face, dry off, put lotion with spf on face (only, not on whole freaking self), put on eyeliner, powder, sometimes eyeshadow, and Burt's Bees lip gloss (never leave home without eyeliner and lip gloss), spritz self with Angel, comb through hair while wet (all the women's magazines say this is a big no no, but....super thin hair is too tangly to let air dry au naturale), put in leave in conditioner and light gel, let air dry (sometimes I actually style), clip bangs off face, put on clothes, leave house.

That takes about half an hour. It can be compressed, under pressure, to fifteen minutes. Or even five, if shaving is removed from the equation.

A prima donna I am not.

Who the hell lives like that? Ladies?