Shopping for a dress for LilK's wedding is pissing me off.

Everything I see is either:

Too Busy

Too Short

Too Ho (and I don't mean Kris Kringle)

Too Fussy

Or Too Expensive

I found a Nanette Lepore that I adore that Mr. Manners thinks is too business-like (it is also about three hundred dollars, another strike against it) but it is blue eyelet material, just above the knee, and a belted sheath with cap sleeves - tres chic! Adorable!

I found a Betsey Johnson sweater dress that I didn't show anyone else, because I would be the only person to like it.

And a Milla Jojovavich-Hawk dress, in pink first then in Blue (thank goodness for Bluefly.com), but again those were rejected.

In fact, all dresses were shite.

Anthropologie had a nice blue dress, but it isn't available until June. They had another nice dress, but it was FOUR HUNDRED dollars.

Everything is sleeveless (which boobless girls don't do, and strapless bras have an unfortunate way of making all my extra skin and fat rise upward in an unfortunate tsunami of flesh. Actually, I can't HOLD UP a strapless dress without a strapless bra, so that is not an option). Sleeveless and strapless. Or waaaaaayyayyyyyy above the knee. Like, Britney above the knee.

Again, not wedding appropriate.

I could go back to the J. Peterman seersucker, which I will have to have altered, which will end up costing me $250 (dress, alterations and shoes!!!!) but which is also a halter dress and has the same bra/boob issue.

Or I can wear a sack.

In fact, the dress I am wearing now is suddenly magically too big, although I've owned it for two years. The belt I'm wearing...well, the notch I put in it last fall...it needs to be notched again.

Grrrr.

This sucks. What am I supposed to wear?

Ladies? The wedding is in a garden, on a Sunday, at three pm. It is NOT formal at all. My mom will probably wear flip flops - right mom?