Qualities

People often ask me what drove me nuts about my ex husband...really, they do...well, it's mostly women and one or two random guys involved in some kind of emotional crisis. Anyway, enough digressing.

The little things really don't bother me. People get upset about a lot of little things without stopping to think that their constant irritation is a symptom of a larger problem. I do not care which way the toilet paper goes on the holder, as long as it is on. I don't care how you load the dishwasher, or fold the laundry, as long as it gets done. I don't care how you mow the grass, as long as it is mown. Get the picture?

But true laziness....now, that's my major irritant. Please don't stand in the middle of the kitchen, nary a clean dish in sight, and honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you don't see that the kitchen is dirty. Honey? If there ain't a clean glass in the cupboard, the kitchen is freaking dirty. If your toilet could pass as a scientific experiment in mold cultivation, don't you dare look at me and tell me you see nothing wrong with it! I will think you are both a blind and lying lazy bastard. If all your clothes are on the floor and dirty, don't run to the mall and buy something new...try doing a novel thing called laundry. Really, you should try it some time. Give the laundry fairies of the world a break!

I don't expect everyone to live up to my standards. Shit, I don't even live up to my own standards most of the time. However, there are certain things I'm going to keep running smoothly all the time. I will have a clean kitchen. The laundry will not pile up. The bathroom will be clean at all times. I'm iffy on dusting (it sucks) and the only reason I vaccuum twice a week is because the dog hair looks like a small goat if I don't.

Here's the secret....

Don't sit on your ass and watch me while I clean.

Don't arm chair quarterback my cleaning (honey, you missed a spot on the tv...fuck you!).

Don't expect me to be the one cleaning when your parents are coming to town and you decide to go out with your coworkers for a beer at the last minute. I will regard that as major responsibility shirking, and you will be coming home to a dirty house.

I'm just rambling this morning...really.

He also used to do this thing that was really rather funny. Since he'd stay up all night on the computer, playing games and chatting and whatever else it is that men do on the computer all night, he would have the hardest time getting up in the morning. So much so that it got him in trouble at jobs (you know, rolling in to work around noon or one generally does that to you when start time is...ten). So I'd start waking him up. I'd set both alarms. I'd wake him up when I got up, when I showered, when I left. I'd move the alarm to another room and turn the volume up as loud as possible onto that klaxon setting. I'd call to see if he was awake and keep calling until he answered the phone. After all, it was in my best interests to see that he remained employed, right? Hah! Well, I'm no one's alarm clock, and no one's mama. It's not my job to get someone up and out of bed and fed and out the door. Theoretically, if one is an adult, one can do that oneself. I'm an adult...I do all those things myself...why couldn't he?