I had one of those weird, flash like revelations while driving to the Publix this morning.

Sometimes the things you say out loud, other people fixate on as the way to solve a problem.

That doesn’t sound quite as profound as it did an hour ago.

I was thinking of my relationship history, and in the three that I left myself, when I expressed some sort of dissatisfaction, each of those three people offered me something they knew I wanted desperately. Do people really attempt to buy each other’s affections that way? If you are dating a girl, and you know she’s ready to get married (presumably to you), and you also know that she’s going to leave because she’s unhappy with something….do you ask her to marry you to make her stay (even if you aren’t ready?)? If you know someone, say, really wants to move to another state, or go back to school or raise goats (even if you really don’t want to) do you capitulate and give it to the other person? Is that sacrifice or stupidity?

With Miss T, we hadn’t been sleeping together for a year. Well, sleeping? Yes, sex…no. If it was…it was generally one sided as in yours truly providing and someone else going to sleep with no reciprocity. She knew I was incredibly unhappy with the state of things. What did she give me that Christmas? Something I had wanted ever since I was a little girl – a pearl necklace like my grandmom’s. I ended things anyway shortly thereafter (and returned the necklace). Ironically, the ex husband did the exact same thing the last Christmas we were together. I also made him return that necklace, and then went the following year and bought one for myself. No more bad pearl necklace karma.

And don’t make ONE freaking joke about a pearl necklace or I will reach through this monitor and smack you!!!

I’ve noticed with some of my friends (and our perpetual state of dissipating relationships) that they are more into the whole….I don’t know “surrendering” thing. Like…”If you’ll only stay with me I’ll (insert whatever here: stop drinking, stop smoking, lose weight, get a job, stop robbing banks, go to church, brush my teeth, stop picking my nose, stop going out with my girlfriends all the time, stop seeing my ex, etc.)” You get the picture. Isn’t that another form of…well, bribe? If you let me stay I’ll change for you???? Shouldn’t you want to change for you? (maybe I shouldn’t have used the nose picking thing as an example because now that is rather grossly stuck in my head…ewwww!)

I think if someone said to me in the course of a relationship that at some point some behavior/mannerism of mine was going to cause a problem, if I wanted the relationship to continue, I might want to look into that myself.