Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner

Remember the movie "Dirty Dancing" when Patrick and Jennifer are discussing dancing and the concept of personal space? Arms and eyes lock, they dance and dance quite intimately, but do not intrude upon the others personal space.

This is, I think, a lost art in modern society. Think about it. You are out having a nice dinner, and someone bumps into you. How often do you hear an apology? You are out shopping, and you bump into someone; do you offer an apology? You are walking in the park and you pass a gaggle (gaggle: three or more fat people who insist on walking abreast and hogging the whole trail)...they don't move as, you know, they can simply bowl you over, and force you to step aside. Whatever happened to politeness? Stepping aside? Walking single file when being passed?

I think we've lost our concept of personal space not only in the public space but in the private space too. I look at the relationships in my family, that of my grandparents and that of my parents, and I see marked differences between what they do and what my peers are expected to do. It isn't necessary for my father to know where my mother is, or my mother to know what my father is thinking at all times. My parents both know people individually that the other person doesn't know. If one person or the other needs alone time, they get it - they go for a ride, for a walk, to the store, or sit on the back porch and read a book. Even with my grandparents - granddaddy was always quite happy to putter around in the garage while grandmother did...whatever inside the house.

In fact, she told me a little story that I think fits in well with today's blog. My grandfather used to like to sit next to grandmom on the couch and...well, snuggle is the wrong word, I think pet might be closer. He'd like to sit next to her at night, while they were watching the news or PBS and want to pet her somehow. The worst, she says, was rubbing her feet. She does not like to have her feet rubbed. She has never liked to have her feet rubbed. She had told him so on numerous occasions. So one night she simply told him that this was her relaxing time, and that she was not relaxed, and that he should stop. They spent the rest of their married life happily watching television in two separate chairs. The moral of the story? He thought that he was doing something nice for her, and she thought he was doing something annoying. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

I think that modern relationships create, for better or for worse, an aura of dependence upon the other person. I think our lovely little media fosters this image as well. It certainly is everywhere...I mean, what sells? Sex, right? And you can't have actual sex without a partner, right? So....hm. And what does the media think that men find appealing in women? Certainly not a woman who can take or leave a man, who is independent, who can take care of herself. Nope. We call those women bitches. Nah, it seems that the media likes to encourage women to be freaking ditzes, helpless little I can't tie my shoe without some help Lohiltonites. Why?

Lohiltonites are completely transparent. They haven't a thought or emotion that doesn't immediately pop out of their mouth like the worst sort of verbal diarrhea. They have no reserve, no measure of privacy. Their entire life is a game of Truth or Dare. They are post modern Barbie Tarts, meant to be dressed up and shown off and fucked until they reach their expiration date, and then tossed aside. They are meant to be compliant little pieces of barely emotive combinations of carbon and water that somehow manage to toddle along on two legs.

And this is what little girls have to look up to?

I was on about space, right? Personal space? It's a lost art. I like to be alone. It's good for me. It allows me to decompress and unwind. Some people have a drink, some people go for a run, some people smoke, some people paint. I like to be by myself. I might clean my house from top to bottom, or have a glass of wine and a bubble bath, or read a trashy romance novel. The point is - there is no one there to have a demand upon my attention. And I don't feel the NEED to have someone there 24/7 either. I don't need another person to Validate Me.

That's what I think we've come to. We look to our partner in our relationship to Validate Us as a Human Being. Someone Loves Me So I Must Be Ok. And yet love is so complex and so ever changing and so very brilliant in it's uniqueness...how can you pin it down to one point in time?