Vanity

Thy name is Eliza

So I went to the dermatologist last week because my skin has regressed to a state not seen since I was about twelve and just beginning menarche. Left quite happy with some samples – benzaclyn for morning use, and differin for evening use. Wednesday morning, after differin use – skin was nice and even and not blotchy and all and all quite happy. Thursday morning benzaclyn use…burned. Friday morning, burned, and moisturizer burned, and skin started to turn red. Did not use any differin that night, nor did I use anything on Saturday morning but my face decided that it was tomato season, and that I should swell up, turn bright red, and look like someone punched me in the face – in both eyes! Lotion hurt, water hurt, soap hurt, crying hurt. My fingers were swollen, my neck was red and swollen…the works. Out of sheer desperation, went to Walgreen’s to talk to the pharmacist, who looked at me and said “allergic reaction. Throw it away. Take lots of benadryl”. Which helped (and a solpo to deaden my face…my last one!!!). I managed to just sleep through most of Saturday. Sunday rolls around and while the swelling is almost gone, I still look like a tomato, albeit a scaly one. A VERY VERY scaly one…a cross between a snake and a tomato during molting season in high summer, in fact. Not great. I can was my face with apricot scrub, and can put on Lubriderm only. That’s it. I touch my face and I snow skin. It’s gross. It’s like I just burnt off the top ten layers of skin. Now I know what I will look like in ten years with too much sun. Scary!

Called the dermatologist this morning – soooo not happy. Waiting for a call back.

Here is what WebMD has to say about the side effects: “Dry skin, redness, burning, itching or skin peeling may occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, notify your doctor or pharmacist promptly.” Really? Really? ????? Please note that it does not say that you will resemble a giant fruit, or a big fat red snake that has just eaten a small baby.

Have just spoken to them now, in fact. “Stop using it immediately” Honey? I got news for you… it is already in the trash. They are trying to decide if I should come in tomorrow or not, and how much damage has been done. Great. Just great. This is the one time in my life I wish that a burqua was an acceptable fashion accessory. I’d like to stick my hand in the sand and not come out until this heals up.

Otherwise; weekend…ugh. Went to a place called Monkey Joe’s for a birthday party for two young ‘uns on Sunday. Ever have those moments where you realize that you just don’t belong somewhere? So I’m standing there, surrounded by doting moms and a few dads, looking at adorable little children running around in their little sock’ed feet, bouncing on big inflatable air toys (slides, bouncy thingies….), and I realize, in looking at my peers, that I will NEVER EVER be like any of those women. First, I think having a big birthday party for a bunch of little kids is kind of silly. Is there a child under six who remembers a birthday party ever? I might have had one, but if I did, I don’t remember having one at all (ever, in fact). I guess I’m too practical….I’d rather be socking that money away into a college fund and having a quiet family birthday at home. Secondly, in looking at the other women…ugh. Blond, well coiffed, largely perfect, well dressed, new Coach or D&B or Prada bags, nice tidy manicures and pedicures. All slender, with nice hair, and bleached teeth, yammering on and on about private day care or private school or their volunteer groups or whatever. I can’t even make myself talk to them. I can’t even force myself to be that kind of person. I can’t. Something tells me that none of the women I met yesterday have the same dark, brooding side that I do. I could try, of course, as I’ve done before, but that ends up becoming a spiral of misery that is hard to escape from, and completely perpetual.

Anyway, that’s my ramble.