Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Not that The Mirror is exactly a reputable news site, but I'm attaching excerpts from an article I read today anyway.

Top Ten Passion Killers

" 1 NEVER ARGUING

Couples who don't fall out may look like they have a perfect relationship but in reality the opposite is probably true.

"If you never argue, at least one person's needs aren't being met," says sex and relationship counsellor Denise Knowles.

"This may eventually lead to resentment or emotional distance," explains Denise.

Either way, it doesn't make for satisfying sex because you're not in touch with what you want.

"Think about what you want from your relationship - not just sexually," she says.

"Then suggest doing these things. Look out for local events, classes or activities to inspire you. Take one step at a time."

2 NAME CALLING

Arguing can resolve conflict but do it in the wrong way and you can cause permanent damage.

According to US psychologist Dr John Gottman from Boston University, it takes five positive comments to balance one negative comment such as name-calling.

He and his colleagues listened to a 15-minute conversation between 700 newly-married couples, noting the ratio between negative and positive comments.

Using this 5:1 ratio as a guide, they predicted whether or not the couples would stay together over the next 10 years with startling 94 per cent accuracy.

Denise explains: "When you call someone a name, you're moving away from the issue and attacking them personally.

"Put-downs such as 'fat bitch' are hurtful, never forgotten and unlikely to inspire passion."

3 NO QUALITY TIME

One or both of you work long hours and by the time you've put the kids to bed, you have barely enough energy to watch TV.

"Practicalities get in the way because they're often urgent.

"But if this happens to the exclusion of everything else, it can be a serious passion killer."

Block out time every week for you and your partner to have an uninterrupted hour or so to get back in touch with each other as individuals.

If you can't afford a night out at a fancy restaurant, go for a walk or send the kids on a sleepover, order a takeaway, open a bottle of wine and switch the phone to voicemail.

"Keep the conversation away from anything domestic - this is quality time," says Denise.

4 EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY

It starts as casual flirting at work but soon you find you're looking forward to overtime because your fellow flirtee will be there. You start going for drinks together and even confiding stuff about your personal life.

"It's fine to have friends of the opposite sex but if you get close to someone at the expense of intimacy with your partner, your relationship could become damaged even if you don't have a fullblown affair," warns Denise. "This situation may be the first sign that all isn't well at home."

Think about why it's happened and address any issues with your partner (you don't have to admit you're attracted to someone else).

5 POOR BODY IMAGE

You've recently put on weight. Your partner insists you look great but you hate being seen naked and will do almost anything to avoid sex.

"You may not be able to transform yourself into a supermodel, but there are always things you can do to improve how you look and feel," says Denise.

Set small goals - for instance, a realistic exercise programme that fits in with your lifestyle and will help you tone up.

Buy yourself some flattering underwear, have a makeover and concentrate on your good points.

.......

10 STUCK IN A SEX RUT

When you first met, you couldn't leave each other alone. Now you'd rather go shopping than get it on.

Tracey Cox reckons the main obstacle to sex in long-term relationships is the misguided belief that it has to be a marathon. In her book Quickies (£6.39, Dorling Kindersley) she advises forgetting about orgasm as a goal and making the most of snatched periods of time to build up sexual tension so that when you do finally have sex it'll be explosive.

She also suggests sending sexy texts, having sex in different places, introducing sex toys, new positions and surprising your partner by ditching the passion-killer nightwear in favour of something a little more risque now and again.

This sends the message you think your partner's worth impressing, which makes them feel good so they make the effort back." .....