Fall Fashion Season 2007

Dear Mr. or Ms Retail Buyer:

While returning some articles of apparel to your fine and partially remodeled shopping “experience” yesterday, I took advantage of the occasion to casually browse through the incoming fall merchandise. As your friendly end customer, you know, a consumer who actually has some discretionary income, I have a few suggestions:

1. Glitter does not belong on clothing.

2. Sequins do not belong on work blouses, and definitely no where near anything approaching a nipple.

3. Tailored dress shirts seem to be quite the rage for fall, which is a lovely thing. Why must they be ruined by running metallic threads of various colors through the weave or worse yet edged around the collar?

4. The trend of placing faux pockets on breastage on polo shirts is again not appropriate. I do not want anyone staring at my breasts, thank you.

5. Lettering on one’s derriere, even on casual pants or pajama bottoms, is a definite “don’t”.

6. Animal prints are fine in moderation. Leopard and zebra prints are quite lovely; but not in fluorescent green and hot pink. Color combinations that do not naturally occur in nature should not naturally occur in fashion.

7. The sixties are over. Really, really over. Please put the mini dresses with the big block prints back in the Smithsonian where they belong. No one cares that now they are silk instead of polyester.

8. I notice that the section reserved for women’s formal wear seems to be slowly increasing. Do other women have some fascinating social life comprised of balls, nights at the opera and other such formal events that I know nothing of? Oh, and yes, those dresses are quite hideous.

Lastly, please, Mr. and Ms. Retail Buyer….

NOT EVERYONE IS FAT! STOCK SOME SMALLER SIZES!

Yours,

Eliza