So today is the 10th anniversary of the untimely passing of Diana, Princess of Wales. Say what you will about her life, as indeed most people have done so (and been spectacularly unkind)…and yet I cannot help but feel a little bit sorry for her when all was said and done.
She never had a chance for a normal life. Yes, she had every little girl’s dream of a big wedding, with a white dress, marrying a prince….but how could she know at 19 that her prince was actually a toad (a tampon??). She was raised to be a trophy, with a very incomplete education, and never really encouraged to think for herself. She grew into a lovely, mature and capable woman…but she had to do it all under the intense glare of the spotlight reserved for British royalty. For this she has my utmost sympathy. The media, in caricaturizing her by trumpeting her affairs and her scandals and her bouts with bulimia, certainly sells papers, but (to me) does nothing to diminish her radiant smile, her charitable works, and her ultimate grace. I think both her sons are a testament to her skills as a mother, and a reflection of her love for them.
I have several magazines that covered her death sitting in a box in my garage; I remember exactly where I was…and I can tell you that, ten years ago, in exactly one month, I was going to start down a path that was wrong for me. In death, Diana finally liberated herself from her own wrong path. It’s just a pity that a life with such brilliant potential had to end that way.
20070831
20070828
Adventure!
That's right, Mr. Manners and I are going on an adventure this weekend, off somewhere in the wilds of the good ole U.S. of A. for the last long weekend prior to Thanksgiving. I am very excited!!!!
And no, you aren't invited, but I promise to tell you all about it when we return.
Well, not all ;-)
And no, you aren't invited, but I promise to tell you all about it when we return.
Well, not all ;-)
You know, it's rather nice to be happy.
The thing about relationships (speaking broadly here and with no immediate context): you can't make someone into something they are not. If you sit around having arguments with someone about whether or not they love you - if they say they do, they do. Just because it doesn't manifest itself in a way you recognize doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or that it isn't real. If you think of yourself as an "empath" (and boy do I use that term loosely) who can pick up on other people's feelings and thoughts like some kind of Emotional Superman....and you can't pick up your partners, it does not mean that they do not love you. It means that they are different. Different is good. People who exactly alike are boring. Celebrate your differences!
You can't make someone into you. You can't make someone into a kind of person you might find more to your taste. You either accept someone for who they are, or you don't. You can ask people to change, certainly, and they either will or they will tell you to go fuck yourself. And very once in a great while, it's worth changing yourself for another person (only once in a great while...like...alternate leap years :-).
Just rambling. Forgot point. Brain is in idle mode this week. Really looking forward to weekend out of town, will be most relaxing and soothing (ah, the savage breast).
The thing about relationships (speaking broadly here and with no immediate context): you can't make someone into something they are not. If you sit around having arguments with someone about whether or not they love you - if they say they do, they do. Just because it doesn't manifest itself in a way you recognize doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or that it isn't real. If you think of yourself as an "empath" (and boy do I use that term loosely) who can pick up on other people's feelings and thoughts like some kind of Emotional Superman....and you can't pick up your partners, it does not mean that they do not love you. It means that they are different. Different is good. People who exactly alike are boring. Celebrate your differences!
You can't make someone into you. You can't make someone into a kind of person you might find more to your taste. You either accept someone for who they are, or you don't. You can ask people to change, certainly, and they either will or they will tell you to go fuck yourself. And very once in a great while, it's worth changing yourself for another person (only once in a great while...like...alternate leap years :-).
Just rambling. Forgot point. Brain is in idle mode this week. Really looking forward to weekend out of town, will be most relaxing and soothing (ah, the savage breast).
20070825
The nicest thing about family gatherings is the moment you look around and realize that these eight people sitting with you all share the same memory you do. Rather a way of etching that memory in stone, if you will. Those people also remember things you don't, and the more you speak of your mutual history the more you remember the things you'd forgotten. It is a state of family communion, I think, and one of the things that makes family special.
I think all our thoughts and wishes go out to the families of those folks in Greece impacted by the forest fires.
This is, I think, the saddest thing I could have read today: "It's a tragedy," an eyewitness told Greek television. "I can see the burnt bodies of a mother holding her child in her arms. Further away there are more bodies. It's terrible." Fire officials confirmed that a mother and her four children had perished, as had three firefighters." Courtesy of BBC News.
The real tragedy here is not that this was a natural phenomenom, no, the real tragedy is that someone actually started these fires deliberately. The investigating authorities strongly suspect arson. Who sets fire to a village? Who sets a fire that threatens a monastary?
Ο Θεός είναι με σας
This is, I think, the saddest thing I could have read today: "It's a tragedy," an eyewitness told Greek television. "I can see the burnt bodies of a mother holding her child in her arms. Further away there are more bodies. It's terrible." Fire officials confirmed that a mother and her four children had perished, as had three firefighters." Courtesy of BBC News.
The real tragedy here is not that this was a natural phenomenom, no, the real tragedy is that someone actually started these fires deliberately. The investigating authorities strongly suspect arson. Who sets fire to a village? Who sets a fire that threatens a monastary?
Ο Θεός είναι με σας
Some things you can't resist
So Michael Vick is going to lose $150mm in endorsements, salary and otherwise....awww...poor baby!
It's just another case of "ruff" justice!
Sorry! :-) I just couldn't resist!
It's just another case of "ruff" justice!
Sorry! :-) I just couldn't resist!
20070824
Work Irritations
Ok, maybe I have too much time on my hands this morning but I am rather annoyed.
I want to know why it is unacceptable for little Miss White Bread Eliza to have a nose ring, and yet I just saw someone who has gold teeth. Gold teeth!!! In my office!!!!
Secondly, you know, the section of the company I work in is the section that pays the bills. So why, oh why, are we the ones who constantly get crapped upon? Example: our site gets Falcons and Braves season tickets, to be divided up amongst the teams at our site. There are plenty of games between the two sports so that each team should get their pick of about four games, according to my math.
Well, we got two. Just now. To Monday night's game. Against the Bengal's. And the other people who belong to our section? They didn't get any tickets either. So the two tickets that were to be offered to the twenty five or so folks in our part of the world now have to be offered to the fifty or so in our part of the world. And the lady that coordinates the program? "you are just XYZ, you don't get anything else".
Lady, we pay your salary.
I want to know why it is unacceptable for little Miss White Bread Eliza to have a nose ring, and yet I just saw someone who has gold teeth. Gold teeth!!! In my office!!!!
Secondly, you know, the section of the company I work in is the section that pays the bills. So why, oh why, are we the ones who constantly get crapped upon? Example: our site gets Falcons and Braves season tickets, to be divided up amongst the teams at our site. There are plenty of games between the two sports so that each team should get their pick of about four games, according to my math.
Well, we got two. Just now. To Monday night's game. Against the Bengal's. And the other people who belong to our section? They didn't get any tickets either. So the two tickets that were to be offered to the twenty five or so folks in our part of the world now have to be offered to the fifty or so in our part of the world. And the lady that coordinates the program? "you are just XYZ, you don't get anything else".
Lady, we pay your salary.
Fall Fashion Season 2007
Dear Mr. or Ms Retail Buyer:
While returning some articles of apparel to your fine and partially remodeled shopping “experience” yesterday, I took advantage of the occasion to casually browse through the incoming fall merchandise. As your friendly end customer, you know, a consumer who actually has some discretionary income, I have a few suggestions:
1. Glitter does not belong on clothing.
2. Sequins do not belong on work blouses, and definitely no where near anything approaching a nipple.
3. Tailored dress shirts seem to be quite the rage for fall, which is a lovely thing. Why must they be ruined by running metallic threads of various colors through the weave or worse yet edged around the collar?
4. The trend of placing faux pockets on breastage on polo shirts is again not appropriate. I do not want anyone staring at my breasts, thank you.
5. Lettering on one’s derriere, even on casual pants or pajama bottoms, is a definite “don’t”.
6. Animal prints are fine in moderation. Leopard and zebra prints are quite lovely; but not in fluorescent green and hot pink. Color combinations that do not naturally occur in nature should not naturally occur in fashion.
7. The sixties are over. Really, really over. Please put the mini dresses with the big block prints back in the Smithsonian where they belong. No one cares that now they are silk instead of polyester.
8. I notice that the section reserved for women’s formal wear seems to be slowly increasing. Do other women have some fascinating social life comprised of balls, nights at the opera and other such formal events that I know nothing of? Oh, and yes, those dresses are quite hideous.
Lastly, please, Mr. and Ms. Retail Buyer….
NOT EVERYONE IS FAT! STOCK SOME SMALLER SIZES!
Yours,
Eliza
While returning some articles of apparel to your fine and partially remodeled shopping “experience” yesterday, I took advantage of the occasion to casually browse through the incoming fall merchandise. As your friendly end customer, you know, a consumer who actually has some discretionary income, I have a few suggestions:
1. Glitter does not belong on clothing.
2. Sequins do not belong on work blouses, and definitely no where near anything approaching a nipple.
3. Tailored dress shirts seem to be quite the rage for fall, which is a lovely thing. Why must they be ruined by running metallic threads of various colors through the weave or worse yet edged around the collar?
4. The trend of placing faux pockets on breastage on polo shirts is again not appropriate. I do not want anyone staring at my breasts, thank you.
5. Lettering on one’s derriere, even on casual pants or pajama bottoms, is a definite “don’t”.
6. Animal prints are fine in moderation. Leopard and zebra prints are quite lovely; but not in fluorescent green and hot pink. Color combinations that do not naturally occur in nature should not naturally occur in fashion.
7. The sixties are over. Really, really over. Please put the mini dresses with the big block prints back in the Smithsonian where they belong. No one cares that now they are silk instead of polyester.
8. I notice that the section reserved for women’s formal wear seems to be slowly increasing. Do other women have some fascinating social life comprised of balls, nights at the opera and other such formal events that I know nothing of? Oh, and yes, those dresses are quite hideous.
Lastly, please, Mr. and Ms. Retail Buyer….
NOT EVERYONE IS FAT! STOCK SOME SMALLER SIZES!
Yours,
Eliza
20070823
20070820
Things 2
Ok, I'll play.
Things I could get used to:
1. Continually being asked for ID whenever I purchase alcohol or lottery tickets.
2. Having family members that love to swap furniture (really, it's like buying new things only free!)
3. Clean sheets and a nice fluffy comforter on my bed (nothing beats the first time you snooze on freshly laundered sheets).
4. Not really having any grass to mow!
5. Relatives with beach property!
6. Sunday snuggles with my girls
Things I don't want to get used to either:
1. The silver hair around my temples. At what point does that stop being shocking?
2. Finding Maddy hair in odd places...like...my sock drawer???
3. Men in my office wearing shorts. With socks. With sandals.
4. The ants that are invading my house in search of water!!
Pandora? You're up!
Things I could get used to:
1. Continually being asked for ID whenever I purchase alcohol or lottery tickets.
2. Having family members that love to swap furniture (really, it's like buying new things only free!)
3. Clean sheets and a nice fluffy comforter on my bed (nothing beats the first time you snooze on freshly laundered sheets).
4. Not really having any grass to mow!
5. Relatives with beach property!
6. Sunday snuggles with my girls
Things I don't want to get used to either:
1. The silver hair around my temples. At what point does that stop being shocking?
2. Finding Maddy hair in odd places...like...my sock drawer???
3. Men in my office wearing shorts. With socks. With sandals.
4. The ants that are invading my house in search of water!!
Pandora? You're up!
20070819
Not to steal a march on Pandora, but she got me thinking.
We seem to enjoy a culture of victimhood. How many times have you turned on the news or opened the paper to hear someone complaining about their circumstance, some tragic life event, etc. and going on to say how it has ruined their lives? How many episodes of Dateline follow up with the people they have exposed (like that man who they profiled on the web predator sting who later killed himself rather than face the censure of his community) or profiled on their stories?
Pandora was speaking specifically of rape. Remove the emotion from the argument. We can all agree that rape is a bad thing. If we speak in psychological modern “vernacular”, rape is nothing other than a crime of aggression and violence, and not a crime of a passion and sexuality.
I do humbly beg to differ that last point. Rape is the ultimate expression of disdain – a man’s way of saying “I am and always will be more powerful than you in this particular capacity. I can do something to you that you cannot do to me. We will never be equal in this regard, and because I can do it I will.” I firmly believe that by committing this act, man demonstrates that at his basest level he has nothing but disdain for women, and sees women as nothing but a receptacle for his desires and his sperm.
My my.
Women do not need to embrace victimhood. If you let your rape or your molestation twist who you are, or become a pivotal moment in your life, you give your rapist/molester all the power in the world. You’ve given him more power than he deserves. Why should you let that person selfishness and arrogance and sociopathic desires change or influence who you are in the slightest? Ladies, don’t do it. You are not a victim. Your biology does not make you one. You can’t change what happened, or take it back, but you and only you have the ability to let it not change you.
We seem to enjoy a culture of victimhood. How many times have you turned on the news or opened the paper to hear someone complaining about their circumstance, some tragic life event, etc. and going on to say how it has ruined their lives? How many episodes of Dateline follow up with the people they have exposed (like that man who they profiled on the web predator sting who later killed himself rather than face the censure of his community) or profiled on their stories?
Pandora was speaking specifically of rape. Remove the emotion from the argument. We can all agree that rape is a bad thing. If we speak in psychological modern “vernacular”, rape is nothing other than a crime of aggression and violence, and not a crime of a passion and sexuality.
I do humbly beg to differ that last point. Rape is the ultimate expression of disdain – a man’s way of saying “I am and always will be more powerful than you in this particular capacity. I can do something to you that you cannot do to me. We will never be equal in this regard, and because I can do it I will.” I firmly believe that by committing this act, man demonstrates that at his basest level he has nothing but disdain for women, and sees women as nothing but a receptacle for his desires and his sperm.
My my.
Women do not need to embrace victimhood. If you let your rape or your molestation twist who you are, or become a pivotal moment in your life, you give your rapist/molester all the power in the world. You’ve given him more power than he deserves. Why should you let that person selfishness and arrogance and sociopathic desires change or influence who you are in the slightest? Ladies, don’t do it. You are not a victim. Your biology does not make you one. You can’t change what happened, or take it back, but you and only you have the ability to let it not change you.
Dear Fellow Drivers
An open letter to all my dear fellow highway drivers;
If, perchance, you are driving in the fast lane on the highway, any fast lane, on any highway, be it four lanes or six or eight, and you happen to glance in your rear view mirror (assuming, of course, you are a cognizant enough driver to do so periodically) and you just happen to notice a long line of cars behind you, all essentially tailgating one another (or worse yet, practicing dangerous traffic stunts to pass on the right), that is a gigantic clue to you, the lead driver.
No, it's this doesn't mean that everyone else is just a bad driver and follows too closely.
No, it doesn't mean that you get to be the self appointed speed controller of America's freeways.
No, it doesn't mean that there is some new game people play on the highway where they all like to drive really fast and only allow fifteen feet of space between themselves and the next car.
No, my dear fellow driver, this means that you should get your slow moving ass out of the fucking way. As in, put on your turn signal and get in the right hand lane, where your slow moving, two mile over the speed limit doing ass belongs.
See, the left hand lane is for people like me - people who know what the speed limit is, and who make a deliberate decision to both break the law and risk their (my) own safety by speeding. I get really pissed off at some middle aged balding man in his Volvo, all by his lonesome, idling along in the fast lane doing approximately 71, setting pace with the car to his right, and NEVER looking in his rear view mirror, except maybe to check the state of his thinning hair or crazy eyebrows. What gives, man?
Your idiocy forces me into something stupid, illegal and dangerous....to take the first available gap, to stomp on the gas, and to pass your dawdling ass on the right. So to all you mini van owners, you Volvo station wagon owners, and the one Merc I passed who was actually doing 69 (dude, you own a Merc!!! what is your problem????), why don't you stay in the slow lane where you belong? If tractor trailers are blowing past you in the right hand lane, you might want to consider the use of the accelerator. Just a suggestion.
Part Two of my driving/trip blog.
On the way up, I stopped in Gaffney in the
middle of the night for gas, and to pee. I hate stopping on trips...because I hate being in the car, and any stop just prolongs my car sitting agony. Anyway, I regard Gaffney as the armpit of South Carolina. Any city whose claim to fame is a gigantic water tower painted to resemble a peach (which, in truth, resembles a gigantic plumber's ass, albeit a fuzzy one) deserves nothing but a severe 'net mocking. And it does actually have a trailer park next to the highway - so I guess I have to take back that earlier post! Back to the peeing thing...my choices for gas and urination are: Citgo (no way), Exxon (double no way) or BP (ok, cool with that). So I pull into the BP, start fueling, lock the dogs into the car, and head inside. I notice as I'm walking back towards the loo that there is this really drop dead gorgeous little girl in the candy girl. Little girl to me means about sixteen. Drop dead gorgeous....in that blond, blue eyed, unspoiled, pristine kind of way. Then I took a second look, and I realize this all American sweetheart is not only dolled up like Paris Hilton, but she also has a knockoff Prada back replete with the little froofroo hairy dog tucked up asleep inside.
First: when did the local Hambrick's start carrying knockoff Prada bags? Second: what is a girl who might have been all of fifteen doing wearing a skirt so short that even I could tell she was wearing pink boy shorts underneath? Third: what the freaking fuck are her parents thinking? Fourth: what the freaking fuck is she thinking? This is GAFFNEY SOUTH CAROLINA and here is a little Paris Hilton Wannabe in the British Petroleum at 11 pm on a Wednesday night. Isn't this a school night? Where are your parents? Please don't tell me that you are out dressed like that (jailbait) on a school night?
I have two things to say: I wish people would learn to exercise some control and periodically turn off the television, and I wish we would all teach little girls that their worth as people wasn't dependent upon how much skin they display, or how pretty they are, or how much they put out.
If, perchance, you are driving in the fast lane on the highway, any fast lane, on any highway, be it four lanes or six or eight, and you happen to glance in your rear view mirror (assuming, of course, you are a cognizant enough driver to do so periodically) and you just happen to notice a long line of cars behind you, all essentially tailgating one another (or worse yet, practicing dangerous traffic stunts to pass on the right), that is a gigantic clue to you, the lead driver.
No, it's this doesn't mean that everyone else is just a bad driver and follows too closely.
No, it doesn't mean that you get to be the self appointed speed controller of America's freeways.
No, it doesn't mean that there is some new game people play on the highway where they all like to drive really fast and only allow fifteen feet of space between themselves and the next car.
No, my dear fellow driver, this means that you should get your slow moving ass out of the fucking way. As in, put on your turn signal and get in the right hand lane, where your slow moving, two mile over the speed limit doing ass belongs.
See, the left hand lane is for people like me - people who know what the speed limit is, and who make a deliberate decision to both break the law and risk their (my) own safety by speeding. I get really pissed off at some middle aged balding man in his Volvo, all by his lonesome, idling along in the fast lane doing approximately 71, setting pace with the car to his right, and NEVER looking in his rear view mirror, except maybe to check the state of his thinning hair or crazy eyebrows. What gives, man?
Your idiocy forces me into something stupid, illegal and dangerous....to take the first available gap, to stomp on the gas, and to pass your dawdling ass on the right. So to all you mini van owners, you Volvo station wagon owners, and the one Merc I passed who was actually doing 69 (dude, you own a Merc!!! what is your problem????), why don't you stay in the slow lane where you belong? If tractor trailers are blowing past you in the right hand lane, you might want to consider the use of the accelerator. Just a suggestion.
Part Two of my driving/trip blog.
On the way up, I stopped in Gaffney in the
middle of the night for gas, and to pee. I hate stopping on trips...because I hate being in the car, and any stop just prolongs my car sitting agony. Anyway, I regard Gaffney as the armpit of South Carolina. Any city whose claim to fame is a gigantic water tower painted to resemble a peach (which, in truth, resembles a gigantic plumber's ass, albeit a fuzzy one) deserves nothing but a severe 'net mocking. And it does actually have a trailer park next to the highway - so I guess I have to take back that earlier post! Back to the peeing thing...my choices for gas and urination are: Citgo (no way), Exxon (double no way) or BP (ok, cool with that). So I pull into the BP, start fueling, lock the dogs into the car, and head inside. I notice as I'm walking back towards the loo that there is this really drop dead gorgeous little girl in the candy girl. Little girl to me means about sixteen. Drop dead gorgeous....in that blond, blue eyed, unspoiled, pristine kind of way. Then I took a second look, and I realize this all American sweetheart is not only dolled up like Paris Hilton, but she also has a knockoff Prada back replete with the little froofroo hairy dog tucked up asleep inside.
First: when did the local Hambrick's start carrying knockoff Prada bags? Second: what is a girl who might have been all of fifteen doing wearing a skirt so short that even I could tell she was wearing pink boy shorts underneath? Third: what the freaking fuck are her parents thinking? Fourth: what the freaking fuck is she thinking? This is GAFFNEY SOUTH CAROLINA and here is a little Paris Hilton Wannabe in the British Petroleum at 11 pm on a Wednesday night. Isn't this a school night? Where are your parents? Please don't tell me that you are out dressed like that (jailbait) on a school night?
I have two things to say: I wish people would learn to exercise some control and periodically turn off the television, and I wish we would all teach little girls that their worth as people wasn't dependent upon how much skin they display, or how pretty they are, or how much they put out.
20070816
Ties
That's an interesting discussion.
Why do we hold onto things or relationships or friendships that we know are bad for us, or that we know have outlived their usefulness or their purpose in our lives? Do we do so out of sentimentality? Do we do so out of fear? Are we just plain lazy?
There comes a point, I think, where you have to let go of so much of your own backstory and baggage. It takes some people longer than others - it takes women forever! We tend to let people or circumstance walk all over us before we finally say enough!
I mean, how long do you tolerate someone who is ostensibly a friend being rude or negative to you everytime you see this person? Why do you still speak to them?
How long do you associate with someone who reminds you of the bad times in your life? Folks handle this differently: some people have that link as a reminder of their past life, and other folks sever all ties and walk off to recreate their story somewhere else. Is one braver than the other? Is one approach better than the other? Or is there a blend somehow that works best?
Or say you have a friend that is an out an out alcoholic (we all know someone that meets this criteria). You've seen them fall into the gutter, perhaps literally, and been around to lend a hand repeatedly, from simply driving them home to paying their tab to taking care of them when they've given themselves alcohol poisoning. Why do we do it? Do we have an inherent desire for martyrdom? Does it make us feel better about ourselves?
Maybe you have an abusive relative or spouse. Why do you hang out? Do you tell yourself that there are different rules for family? Like...would you ever slap your mother? Would you? I bet the answer is almost a universal no. Do you continue to stay in that negative relationship because it IS your family, and you feel beholden to them even though it's at the risk of your own health and sanity?
I am simply saying: do what is right for you. If a plant has a dead branch, you cut if off for the general health of the plant. Do the same with the relationships in your life. You'll feel much better!
Why do we hold onto things or relationships or friendships that we know are bad for us, or that we know have outlived their usefulness or their purpose in our lives? Do we do so out of sentimentality? Do we do so out of fear? Are we just plain lazy?
There comes a point, I think, where you have to let go of so much of your own backstory and baggage. It takes some people longer than others - it takes women forever! We tend to let people or circumstance walk all over us before we finally say enough!
I mean, how long do you tolerate someone who is ostensibly a friend being rude or negative to you everytime you see this person? Why do you still speak to them?
How long do you associate with someone who reminds you of the bad times in your life? Folks handle this differently: some people have that link as a reminder of their past life, and other folks sever all ties and walk off to recreate their story somewhere else. Is one braver than the other? Is one approach better than the other? Or is there a blend somehow that works best?
Or say you have a friend that is an out an out alcoholic (we all know someone that meets this criteria). You've seen them fall into the gutter, perhaps literally, and been around to lend a hand repeatedly, from simply driving them home to paying their tab to taking care of them when they've given themselves alcohol poisoning. Why do we do it? Do we have an inherent desire for martyrdom? Does it make us feel better about ourselves?
Maybe you have an abusive relative or spouse. Why do you hang out? Do you tell yourself that there are different rules for family? Like...would you ever slap your mother? Would you? I bet the answer is almost a universal no. Do you continue to stay in that negative relationship because it IS your family, and you feel beholden to them even though it's at the risk of your own health and sanity?
I am simply saying: do what is right for you. If a plant has a dead branch, you cut if off for the general health of the plant. Do the same with the relationships in your life. You'll feel much better!
Little Pink Houses
In making my little road trip to the Queen's City for work yesterday evening...and stuck in traffic...
I wondered...
Am I the only one who thinks that living next to a highway or major road or a main road at all is a horrible thing? Is it just me or are the properties that exist next to the highway only for poor people? What's it like to come home and relax to the sounds of thousands of cars honking and whizzing by outside your bedroom window? To have everything perpetually reek of exhaust? To actually PAY someone to have all your stuff smell forever of carbon monoxide?
I mean, when you look for a place to live...what are your criteria? Mine are pretty simple: no road frontage, no homeowner's association, trees, and a street that isn't a "drive through".
You don't see poor people living in rural areas tacked onto the side of the highway. Why is that? Have you ever seen a trailer park that wasn't for recreational vehicles on the side of the highway?
I wondered...
Am I the only one who thinks that living next to a highway or major road or a main road at all is a horrible thing? Is it just me or are the properties that exist next to the highway only for poor people? What's it like to come home and relax to the sounds of thousands of cars honking and whizzing by outside your bedroom window? To have everything perpetually reek of exhaust? To actually PAY someone to have all your stuff smell forever of carbon monoxide?
I mean, when you look for a place to live...what are your criteria? Mine are pretty simple: no road frontage, no homeowner's association, trees, and a street that isn't a "drive through".
You don't see poor people living in rural areas tacked onto the side of the highway. Why is that? Have you ever seen a trailer park that wasn't for recreational vehicles on the side of the highway?
20070815
Money
Here is where we are:
The Fed was trying to encourage business growth in previous years, in order to stimulate the economy, and thus kept adjusting interest rates. Normal Americans took advantage of the low interest rates that were so abundant, and used them to borrow against the equity in their houses for a variety of things (remodels, vacations, bills, college, etc.). Companies got used to us spending that level of income. We got used to spending it, and having those flashy toys. Things were good. Everyone was cool. Consumers were happy – we thought we had an investment that could do nothing but mature and continue to make us money, so we were all happy with the “minimal” risk involved in taking out all our cash on hand. We didn’t even mind paying almost double or more than double for our vacations abroad – because we were flush with our borrowed cash.
But haven’t you ever wondered, as you were driving around, where folks were getting the money from to afford those $800,000 homes? Or why your neighbor suddenly had two BMW’s? Did mankind suddenly evolve the ability to shit gold (and, by the way, I certainly wish this were the case although I believe it would be rather painful)?
Fast forward.
The market has an enormous contraction. Those folk in the sub prime market that were at risk in the first place, that locked into variable rate loans? They were the first ones to feel the pain when the Fed started raising rates. Half a point doesn’t sound like a lot, but could be an extra $200 a month (depending on the size of your loan, your terms, etc.). If you are already marginal, and overextended, where is that bump going to come from? Sure, a number of them gambled on being able to turn their house and sell it prior to the rates rising, or to have enough market equity to be able to refinance at a lower rate (this assumes that the market growth was 20% or more). Most of them lost that gamble.
That’s the first problem.
Here’s the second.
Our domestic spending (and by this I mean you and I, and not the gub’ment). All that money we borrowed against our houses last year or the year prior is long gone. It might be sitting in your driveway or in your new kitchen or stuck in a photo album somewhere, but it’s long gone. Now you still owe that money, and your house is still stuck at about the same value. You can’t continue to live the lifestyle you were living based on earned income alone, so what do most Americans do? Turn to plastic. And then what happens? The more you spend on a card, on all cards, the tighter the card companies are going to become in their treatment of you. Sure, they want to encourage you to open new lines of credit…they want you to spend, and spend lots – it’s how they make money. Better yet, they want you to carry a balance, a big one, so that they can zonk you with all sorts of fees and charges. Goodness forbid you ever miss a payment on any other card, because now any card company can adjust your account based off your behavior with another service provider. Doesn’t that suck?
Back to the point. Credit card companies want to make money, but they want to protect their unsecured little bottom lines. So what do they do – they quietly start tacking on more fees, they change their rates but send out mailers in unmarked envelopes with opt outs in unmarked envelopes (I even got one that was mailed separately, and I think this was from my BANK!).
Where we will end up is this: soon, consumers will have nothing left to spend (credit maxed, cash on hand tied up in immediate bills, no savings). How will retailers continue to move product? How will services firms continue to sell services? How will financial firms make money?
You’ve seen a lot of news in the past few weeks about other countries dumping their reserves into our economy, or snapping up some of our companies through mergers and acquisitions. That’s not really good news. The fact that other governments feel the need to pump money into our economy (thanks, China) means that they recognize the fact that our economies are co dependent upon each other, and that a failure in our economy would have a substantial ripple effect on theirs. I mean, where would China export all their product to if not the U.S.? It really is a global economy these days.
It’s all a vicious cycle. The more you spend, the less you have. The more you spend, the more companies make, the more they are inclined to spend on growth, and the more people are likely to have access to new jobs. New jobs mean more growth in other industries (housing, services, etc). The less you spend, the less everyone has. You spend less, companies have less, do not grow (hoard), begin to cost cut (forcing folks out of jobs), and everything suddenly goes to pot.
The armchair, dilettante economist here (spits out wad o’tobaccy) thinks that we are in for a bit of a hard fall here. Normal people had too much invested in their homes, and not enough in cash reserve (myself included in this lunacy). The gubment loves the weak dollar – it means that all goods manufactured here (the precious few that still are) are cheap cheap cheap and that’s usually an incentive for folks abroad to buy. If people are coming down from Canada to buy luxury cars in the U.S. because they can save $30K…that’s the sign of a REALLY weak dollar. While the weak dollar is great for businesses, and great for the government, is it really that great for the consumer? And once we stop selling the interest on our deficit to other countries, or our currency becomes so devalued that no one wants to buy it, what then? It’s like I’ve always said…how can you owe yourself money?
Anyway, now I’m rambling and have rather lost the plot.
What I’m saying is this: I think we’re headed for a recession. The long predicted housing bust has hurt more people and businesses than predicted. Tighten your belts, folks, and hang onto those wallets. It’s gonna be a long ride.
The Fed was trying to encourage business growth in previous years, in order to stimulate the economy, and thus kept adjusting interest rates. Normal Americans took advantage of the low interest rates that were so abundant, and used them to borrow against the equity in their houses for a variety of things (remodels, vacations, bills, college, etc.). Companies got used to us spending that level of income. We got used to spending it, and having those flashy toys. Things were good. Everyone was cool. Consumers were happy – we thought we had an investment that could do nothing but mature and continue to make us money, so we were all happy with the “minimal” risk involved in taking out all our cash on hand. We didn’t even mind paying almost double or more than double for our vacations abroad – because we were flush with our borrowed cash.
But haven’t you ever wondered, as you were driving around, where folks were getting the money from to afford those $800,000 homes? Or why your neighbor suddenly had two BMW’s? Did mankind suddenly evolve the ability to shit gold (and, by the way, I certainly wish this were the case although I believe it would be rather painful)?
Fast forward.
The market has an enormous contraction. Those folk in the sub prime market that were at risk in the first place, that locked into variable rate loans? They were the first ones to feel the pain when the Fed started raising rates. Half a point doesn’t sound like a lot, but could be an extra $200 a month (depending on the size of your loan, your terms, etc.). If you are already marginal, and overextended, where is that bump going to come from? Sure, a number of them gambled on being able to turn their house and sell it prior to the rates rising, or to have enough market equity to be able to refinance at a lower rate (this assumes that the market growth was 20% or more). Most of them lost that gamble.
That’s the first problem.
Here’s the second.
Our domestic spending (and by this I mean you and I, and not the gub’ment). All that money we borrowed against our houses last year or the year prior is long gone. It might be sitting in your driveway or in your new kitchen or stuck in a photo album somewhere, but it’s long gone. Now you still owe that money, and your house is still stuck at about the same value. You can’t continue to live the lifestyle you were living based on earned income alone, so what do most Americans do? Turn to plastic. And then what happens? The more you spend on a card, on all cards, the tighter the card companies are going to become in their treatment of you. Sure, they want to encourage you to open new lines of credit…they want you to spend, and spend lots – it’s how they make money. Better yet, they want you to carry a balance, a big one, so that they can zonk you with all sorts of fees and charges. Goodness forbid you ever miss a payment on any other card, because now any card company can adjust your account based off your behavior with another service provider. Doesn’t that suck?
Back to the point. Credit card companies want to make money, but they want to protect their unsecured little bottom lines. So what do they do – they quietly start tacking on more fees, they change their rates but send out mailers in unmarked envelopes with opt outs in unmarked envelopes (I even got one that was mailed separately, and I think this was from my BANK!).
Where we will end up is this: soon, consumers will have nothing left to spend (credit maxed, cash on hand tied up in immediate bills, no savings). How will retailers continue to move product? How will services firms continue to sell services? How will financial firms make money?
You’ve seen a lot of news in the past few weeks about other countries dumping their reserves into our economy, or snapping up some of our companies through mergers and acquisitions. That’s not really good news. The fact that other governments feel the need to pump money into our economy (thanks, China) means that they recognize the fact that our economies are co dependent upon each other, and that a failure in our economy would have a substantial ripple effect on theirs. I mean, where would China export all their product to if not the U.S.? It really is a global economy these days.
It’s all a vicious cycle. The more you spend, the less you have. The more you spend, the more companies make, the more they are inclined to spend on growth, and the more people are likely to have access to new jobs. New jobs mean more growth in other industries (housing, services, etc). The less you spend, the less everyone has. You spend less, companies have less, do not grow (hoard), begin to cost cut (forcing folks out of jobs), and everything suddenly goes to pot.
The armchair, dilettante economist here (spits out wad o’tobaccy) thinks that we are in for a bit of a hard fall here. Normal people had too much invested in their homes, and not enough in cash reserve (myself included in this lunacy). The gubment loves the weak dollar – it means that all goods manufactured here (the precious few that still are) are cheap cheap cheap and that’s usually an incentive for folks abroad to buy. If people are coming down from Canada to buy luxury cars in the U.S. because they can save $30K…that’s the sign of a REALLY weak dollar. While the weak dollar is great for businesses, and great for the government, is it really that great for the consumer? And once we stop selling the interest on our deficit to other countries, or our currency becomes so devalued that no one wants to buy it, what then? It’s like I’ve always said…how can you owe yourself money?
Anyway, now I’m rambling and have rather lost the plot.
What I’m saying is this: I think we’re headed for a recession. The long predicted housing bust has hurt more people and businesses than predicted. Tighten your belts, folks, and hang onto those wallets. It’s gonna be a long ride.
20070814
Ya know, I owe some apologies, I think. I made a few blog posts about things that were none of my business, really, and I shouldn't have done it. Quite nasty of me, really. Please accept most humble apologies (bowing and scraping as we speak).
Today: totally and completely empty. Wondering why beating self up over events that happened eight years ago, when such things have been mutually forgiven and largely forgotten. Wondering why I spent my night's sleep grinding my teeth.
Bah.
Today: totally and completely empty. Wondering why beating self up over events that happened eight years ago, when such things have been mutually forgiven and largely forgotten. Wondering why I spent my night's sleep grinding my teeth.
Bah.
20070813
Forgiveness
There comes a time in everyone's life where you have to stop carrying around the sins of your past like a piece of sackcloth, smearing yourself with ashes every few months like some ultra penitent Franciscan. I admit quite fully that I am human, that I am not infallible, and that I make mistakes.
I am not the sum of my mistakes, and neither is anyone else.
I do not judge others by their mistakes; what gives you the right to judge me by mine?
The details of my marriage and divorce are things I will never again speak of to another human being. I am fully aware of my own sins, of my ex-husband’s sins, and I do not need to be “pre judged” by anyone else in the future. I am not proud of my marriage, I am not proud of the person I became. By the way, I punish myself enough, thank you, and do not need anyone else’s help in this matter.
Only now have I gotten to a point in life where I feel good about myself. I am relatively content with my house, with myself, with my family, and with my career. I have made peace with my past. It is what it is. And I’m proud of the life I have carved out for myself, issue laden as it is, it is still mine, and I made it for myself.
Ironically, this has taught me that full disclosure of one’s past is going to have negative repercussions no matter whom you tell. It makes you have a lot of faith in humanity, it truly does.
I am not the sum of my mistakes, and neither is anyone else.
I do not judge others by their mistakes; what gives you the right to judge me by mine?
The details of my marriage and divorce are things I will never again speak of to another human being. I am fully aware of my own sins, of my ex-husband’s sins, and I do not need to be “pre judged” by anyone else in the future. I am not proud of my marriage, I am not proud of the person I became. By the way, I punish myself enough, thank you, and do not need anyone else’s help in this matter.
Only now have I gotten to a point in life where I feel good about myself. I am relatively content with my house, with myself, with my family, and with my career. I have made peace with my past. It is what it is. And I’m proud of the life I have carved out for myself, issue laden as it is, it is still mine, and I made it for myself.
Ironically, this has taught me that full disclosure of one’s past is going to have negative repercussions no matter whom you tell. It makes you have a lot of faith in humanity, it truly does.
Animals in Prison
So I went to the aquarium with Mr. Manners this weekend.
Imagine his surprise when he found out that the present his ex girlfriend gave him - a membership to the aquarium - had been transferred to her sister (who doesn't even live in the United States!).
Y'all know that I do not like aquariums, zoos, circuses, etc. I do not like animals in cages, in plexiglass, in wire, etc.
However, except for all the idiots wandering around, I will say that I had a nice time, and that Bernie did a nice job.
Imagine his surprise when he found out that the present his ex girlfriend gave him - a membership to the aquarium - had been transferred to her sister (who doesn't even live in the United States!).
Y'all know that I do not like aquariums, zoos, circuses, etc. I do not like animals in cages, in plexiglass, in wire, etc.
However, except for all the idiots wandering around, I will say that I had a nice time, and that Bernie did a nice job.
20070810
Simply Smashing
The day started off just great.
I went to take the trash out, and do a few little things outside before it got hell hot, and Maddy took my glasses off the bathroom counter and ate them. Not ate them like just gnawed on the plastic. Ate them like ate off all the plastic, popped out a lens, and scratched the lenses so badly they are unuseable. When I saw them on the floor, they looked kinda ok...until I picked them up.
Then I did something I'm not proud of. I had one of what I call "daddy moments". Growing up, my dad had a really scary bad temper, and we were all afraid of making him mad (until we realized it was mostly bluster when we got older - sorry, Dad!). You know, that kind of roaring, throwing things, kicking doors, punching things (not people) kind of angry. I have that temper too, but I try to keep a very tight lid on it because I don't think that is appropriate behavior. Anyhow, when I picked the glasses up, I flipped out. I grabbed Maddy by the scruff and started screeching at her "you are such a bad fucking dog...why do you gotta do this to me?" and spanking her like there was no tomorrow. Now, she doesn't try to wiggle off or run away or bite, she just lays there and takes it. So I let her go and she ran to her bed.
"Why, Mommy, why?" from her little puppy eyes...which made me really just start to sob. And sob.
Little Miss Maddy pops out of her bed and comes over, nuzzles me, and lays on my feet. I love my dog. I was an ass (so was she) and she loves me anyway.
So off to Dr. R's I go; I have to spend $500 on a new pair. I just bought these last October. I'm still pretty mad. I almost got rearended in Dr. R's parking lot (I would have stroked out).
Now, why is it that other people cannot just let one be grumpy when one is grumpy? I'm not necessarily talking about me, but when someone is in a bad mood why is it everyone's first instinct to try and cheer them up? Why? Don't you know that sometimes people just want to be left alone? Solitude isn't a thing to be feared...it is in fact quite lovely. A time for reflection, meditation, or just plain getting things done.
So the next time someone is in a bad mood, for crap's sake stop trying to cheer them up. Ask politely. If they seem uninterested, leave them alone. On behalf of grumpy people everywhere, we thank you for it :-)
I went to take the trash out, and do a few little things outside before it got hell hot, and Maddy took my glasses off the bathroom counter and ate them. Not ate them like just gnawed on the plastic. Ate them like ate off all the plastic, popped out a lens, and scratched the lenses so badly they are unuseable. When I saw them on the floor, they looked kinda ok...until I picked them up.
Then I did something I'm not proud of. I had one of what I call "daddy moments". Growing up, my dad had a really scary bad temper, and we were all afraid of making him mad (until we realized it was mostly bluster when we got older - sorry, Dad!). You know, that kind of roaring, throwing things, kicking doors, punching things (not people) kind of angry. I have that temper too, but I try to keep a very tight lid on it because I don't think that is appropriate behavior. Anyhow, when I picked the glasses up, I flipped out. I grabbed Maddy by the scruff and started screeching at her "you are such a bad fucking dog...why do you gotta do this to me?" and spanking her like there was no tomorrow. Now, she doesn't try to wiggle off or run away or bite, she just lays there and takes it. So I let her go and she ran to her bed.
"Why, Mommy, why?" from her little puppy eyes...which made me really just start to sob. And sob.
Little Miss Maddy pops out of her bed and comes over, nuzzles me, and lays on my feet. I love my dog. I was an ass (so was she) and she loves me anyway.
So off to Dr. R's I go; I have to spend $500 on a new pair. I just bought these last October. I'm still pretty mad. I almost got rearended in Dr. R's parking lot (I would have stroked out).
Now, why is it that other people cannot just let one be grumpy when one is grumpy? I'm not necessarily talking about me, but when someone is in a bad mood why is it everyone's first instinct to try and cheer them up? Why? Don't you know that sometimes people just want to be left alone? Solitude isn't a thing to be feared...it is in fact quite lovely. A time for reflection, meditation, or just plain getting things done.
So the next time someone is in a bad mood, for crap's sake stop trying to cheer them up. Ask politely. If they seem uninterested, leave them alone. On behalf of grumpy people everywhere, we thank you for it :-)
Another worthy article of note:
Thank Psychology Today
"You are not valuing your own self enough to make yourself a full partner to a relationship. That failure to validate yourself is going to undermine any choice you ever make. If you respected yourself more, you would be able to exercise your own judgment—and see that you've limited your possibilities to two men with serious flaws for a relationship. It's almost impossible to build a joint future—the purpose of marriage—with someone who has different views of life than you do, unless you talk those views out thoroughly and can make them mesh in very specific ways."
And from another article, for any women out there who have sat in a relationship or marriage for a long time before deciding to leave:
"The letters make it clear that the women fall for the guys quickly, then spend a long time in struggles to transform their mate before coming to rue their choice of partner."
Thank Psychology Today
"You are not valuing your own self enough to make yourself a full partner to a relationship. That failure to validate yourself is going to undermine any choice you ever make. If you respected yourself more, you would be able to exercise your own judgment—and see that you've limited your possibilities to two men with serious flaws for a relationship. It's almost impossible to build a joint future—the purpose of marriage—with someone who has different views of life than you do, unless you talk those views out thoroughly and can make them mesh in very specific ways."
And from another article, for any women out there who have sat in a relationship or marriage for a long time before deciding to leave:
"The letters make it clear that the women fall for the guys quickly, then spend a long time in struggles to transform their mate before coming to rue their choice of partner."
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
Not that The Mirror is exactly a reputable news site, but I'm attaching excerpts from an article I read today anyway.
Top Ten Passion Killers
" 1 NEVER ARGUING
Couples who don't fall out may look like they have a perfect relationship but in reality the opposite is probably true.
"If you never argue, at least one person's needs aren't being met," says sex and relationship counsellor Denise Knowles.
"This may eventually lead to resentment or emotional distance," explains Denise.
Either way, it doesn't make for satisfying sex because you're not in touch with what you want.
"Think about what you want from your relationship - not just sexually," she says.
"Then suggest doing these things. Look out for local events, classes or activities to inspire you. Take one step at a time."
2 NAME CALLING
Arguing can resolve conflict but do it in the wrong way and you can cause permanent damage.
According to US psychologist Dr John Gottman from Boston University, it takes five positive comments to balance one negative comment such as name-calling.
He and his colleagues listened to a 15-minute conversation between 700 newly-married couples, noting the ratio between negative and positive comments.
Using this 5:1 ratio as a guide, they predicted whether or not the couples would stay together over the next 10 years with startling 94 per cent accuracy.
Denise explains: "When you call someone a name, you're moving away from the issue and attacking them personally.
"Put-downs such as 'fat bitch' are hurtful, never forgotten and unlikely to inspire passion."
3 NO QUALITY TIME
One or both of you work long hours and by the time you've put the kids to bed, you have barely enough energy to watch TV.
"Practicalities get in the way because they're often urgent.
"But if this happens to the exclusion of everything else, it can be a serious passion killer."
Block out time every week for you and your partner to have an uninterrupted hour or so to get back in touch with each other as individuals.
If you can't afford a night out at a fancy restaurant, go for a walk or send the kids on a sleepover, order a takeaway, open a bottle of wine and switch the phone to voicemail.
"Keep the conversation away from anything domestic - this is quality time," says Denise.
4 EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY
It starts as casual flirting at work but soon you find you're looking forward to overtime because your fellow flirtee will be there. You start going for drinks together and even confiding stuff about your personal life.
"It's fine to have friends of the opposite sex but if you get close to someone at the expense of intimacy with your partner, your relationship could become damaged even if you don't have a fullblown affair," warns Denise. "This situation may be the first sign that all isn't well at home."
Think about why it's happened and address any issues with your partner (you don't have to admit you're attracted to someone else).
5 POOR BODY IMAGE
You've recently put on weight. Your partner insists you look great but you hate being seen naked and will do almost anything to avoid sex.
"You may not be able to transform yourself into a supermodel, but there are always things you can do to improve how you look and feel," says Denise.
Set small goals - for instance, a realistic exercise programme that fits in with your lifestyle and will help you tone up.
Buy yourself some flattering underwear, have a makeover and concentrate on your good points.
.......
10 STUCK IN A SEX RUT
When you first met, you couldn't leave each other alone. Now you'd rather go shopping than get it on.
Tracey Cox reckons the main obstacle to sex in long-term relationships is the misguided belief that it has to be a marathon. In her book Quickies (£6.39, Dorling Kindersley) she advises forgetting about orgasm as a goal and making the most of snatched periods of time to build up sexual tension so that when you do finally have sex it'll be explosive.
She also suggests sending sexy texts, having sex in different places, introducing sex toys, new positions and surprising your partner by ditching the passion-killer nightwear in favour of something a little more risque now and again.
This sends the message you think your partner's worth impressing, which makes them feel good so they make the effort back." .....
Top Ten Passion Killers
" 1 NEVER ARGUING
Couples who don't fall out may look like they have a perfect relationship but in reality the opposite is probably true.
"If you never argue, at least one person's needs aren't being met," says sex and relationship counsellor Denise Knowles.
"This may eventually lead to resentment or emotional distance," explains Denise.
Either way, it doesn't make for satisfying sex because you're not in touch with what you want.
"Think about what you want from your relationship - not just sexually," she says.
"Then suggest doing these things. Look out for local events, classes or activities to inspire you. Take one step at a time."
2 NAME CALLING
Arguing can resolve conflict but do it in the wrong way and you can cause permanent damage.
According to US psychologist Dr John Gottman from Boston University, it takes five positive comments to balance one negative comment such as name-calling.
He and his colleagues listened to a 15-minute conversation between 700 newly-married couples, noting the ratio between negative and positive comments.
Using this 5:1 ratio as a guide, they predicted whether or not the couples would stay together over the next 10 years with startling 94 per cent accuracy.
Denise explains: "When you call someone a name, you're moving away from the issue and attacking them personally.
"Put-downs such as 'fat bitch' are hurtful, never forgotten and unlikely to inspire passion."
3 NO QUALITY TIME
One or both of you work long hours and by the time you've put the kids to bed, you have barely enough energy to watch TV.
"Practicalities get in the way because they're often urgent.
"But if this happens to the exclusion of everything else, it can be a serious passion killer."
Block out time every week for you and your partner to have an uninterrupted hour or so to get back in touch with each other as individuals.
If you can't afford a night out at a fancy restaurant, go for a walk or send the kids on a sleepover, order a takeaway, open a bottle of wine and switch the phone to voicemail.
"Keep the conversation away from anything domestic - this is quality time," says Denise.
4 EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY
It starts as casual flirting at work but soon you find you're looking forward to overtime because your fellow flirtee will be there. You start going for drinks together and even confiding stuff about your personal life.
"It's fine to have friends of the opposite sex but if you get close to someone at the expense of intimacy with your partner, your relationship could become damaged even if you don't have a fullblown affair," warns Denise. "This situation may be the first sign that all isn't well at home."
Think about why it's happened and address any issues with your partner (you don't have to admit you're attracted to someone else).
5 POOR BODY IMAGE
You've recently put on weight. Your partner insists you look great but you hate being seen naked and will do almost anything to avoid sex.
"You may not be able to transform yourself into a supermodel, but there are always things you can do to improve how you look and feel," says Denise.
Set small goals - for instance, a realistic exercise programme that fits in with your lifestyle and will help you tone up.
Buy yourself some flattering underwear, have a makeover and concentrate on your good points.
.......
10 STUCK IN A SEX RUT
When you first met, you couldn't leave each other alone. Now you'd rather go shopping than get it on.
Tracey Cox reckons the main obstacle to sex in long-term relationships is the misguided belief that it has to be a marathon. In her book Quickies (£6.39, Dorling Kindersley) she advises forgetting about orgasm as a goal and making the most of snatched periods of time to build up sexual tension so that when you do finally have sex it'll be explosive.
She also suggests sending sexy texts, having sex in different places, introducing sex toys, new positions and surprising your partner by ditching the passion-killer nightwear in favour of something a little more risque now and again.
This sends the message you think your partner's worth impressing, which makes them feel good so they make the effort back." .....
20070809
Friends
A friend and I were chatting, and we got to wondering:
Do you think you subconciously chose your friends because they have something you lack? Are they the check to your balance?
I have friends that are impulsive and social; those of you who know me know that I am NEVER impulsive (I overthink) and I am definitely not social(hermit comes to mind).
I have friends that are serious, quality bargain hunters, while I am defintely not.
See what I'm saying?
WTF Blogger ate this the first time.
Was also looking at trips abroad. The dollar is too weak. I love our current economic policy. Let the dollar stay week, because it encourages exports and sales of US products abroad. Meanwhile, people who want to travel or invest abroad are screwed.
Do you think you subconciously chose your friends because they have something you lack? Are they the check to your balance?
I have friends that are impulsive and social; those of you who know me know that I am NEVER impulsive (I overthink) and I am definitely not social(hermit comes to mind).
I have friends that are serious, quality bargain hunters, while I am defintely not.
See what I'm saying?
WTF Blogger ate this the first time.
Was also looking at trips abroad. The dollar is too weak. I love our current economic policy. Let the dollar stay week, because it encourages exports and sales of US products abroad. Meanwhile, people who want to travel or invest abroad are screwed.
Here is something else to think about:
What I wrote below could happen to you, at any time, at any place. Your life could just about be erased. You could never be heard from again. You could just...disappear?
Think I'm wrong? Think again. If it's easy for someone to steal your identity (hit your mailbox, your trash, rob your house, lift your wallet, phish you) and ruin your life, it is just as easy for some anonymous person/persons to come and whisk you off.
It's a slippery moral slope indeed, sanctioning torture as a government. But then again...who said government existed to be moral? I thought it existed to protect the interests of it's people? You can also make the argument that we should not torture just because our ever shifting and nebulous "enemies" do it...and that by doing it, we lower ourselves to their level. To which I say PSHAW! or perhaps PHOEY! It becomes a matter of splitting a hair. If you accept that taking another human life is wrong, then by extension war must be wrong (regardless of circumstance), therefore self defense is wrong (meek shall inherit, etc), and therefore you should lay down and let things be perpetrated against you.
Right. It's natural to fear death. It's natural to fight back, to stand up for yourself and assert yourself when threatened. 50 years of National Geographic should have taught us all that :-)
BTW, just because I said I agree with it doesn't mean I could do it myself. I would be frighteningly comfortable with the psychological aspects of it, but physical torture, sexual degredation, etc. would not be my cup of tea.
I find it ironic that I'm even having these thoughts. I consider myself a pacifist. I abhor violence. I do not even like boxing. I have only ever hit one person in my life (and I kicked her at that). I am still afraid of guns. I find the root of a modern war or conflict is always about economic gain, and not about an ideal. And yet to stop a war from happening - to stop so called collateral damage where the lives of other entirely innocent people happen to be claimed as we kill each other for whatever flavor we have this month - can one not make a case for SELECTIVELY being a bit persuasive?
Even some of the things I've read I've found disgusting. Modern tools aren't designed to just kill (like the Iron Maiden - ever seen one of those in real life? ugh), they are designed to break both your mind and your body. Waterboarding - strapping someone down and pouring water on their face to simulate drowning. Experts claim that if done properly waterboarding causes no lasting physical damage. If done improperly, the subject can break bones, have brain damage and die. It would be harder to say what it does to someone psychologically, but I've read where it has made people afraid to do simple daily tasks like take a shower. Can you imagine being afraid to take a shower? Ok, yes, I agree - that's a fucking bad thing, and no one should be subjected to that.
It does happen though. We do it to our own people to prepare them in case they are ever captured by enemy forces.
What about sensory deprivation? Is that torture? Some people do it for fun? Extended deprivation of all the senses can literally drive you mad. Wouldn't you break? The minute you saw light, or heard a noise other than the beat of your own heart, which you could feel but not hear, the relief would overwhelm you and you'd feel such gratitude that you would say anything to anyone just to not ever go back in the box.
Like I said: these things don't exactly sit comfortably with me. However...if the lives of 300 children and 50 teachers are at risk due to an impending biological attack, you had better bet that I will find out what I need to know in order to prevent those deaths.
Anyway, sorry, off soapbox.
I'm not offended at anything anyone has to say on this subject. I'm very curious actually to hear other POV's. I'd never really considered a stance on this until this year, except to blanketly say that "torture is wrong".
I've had a rethink.
What I wrote below could happen to you, at any time, at any place. Your life could just about be erased. You could never be heard from again. You could just...disappear?
Think I'm wrong? Think again. If it's easy for someone to steal your identity (hit your mailbox, your trash, rob your house, lift your wallet, phish you) and ruin your life, it is just as easy for some anonymous person/persons to come and whisk you off.
It's a slippery moral slope indeed, sanctioning torture as a government. But then again...who said government existed to be moral? I thought it existed to protect the interests of it's people? You can also make the argument that we should not torture just because our ever shifting and nebulous "enemies" do it...and that by doing it, we lower ourselves to their level. To which I say PSHAW! or perhaps PHOEY! It becomes a matter of splitting a hair. If you accept that taking another human life is wrong, then by extension war must be wrong (regardless of circumstance), therefore self defense is wrong (meek shall inherit, etc), and therefore you should lay down and let things be perpetrated against you.
Right. It's natural to fear death. It's natural to fight back, to stand up for yourself and assert yourself when threatened. 50 years of National Geographic should have taught us all that :-)
BTW, just because I said I agree with it doesn't mean I could do it myself. I would be frighteningly comfortable with the psychological aspects of it, but physical torture, sexual degredation, etc. would not be my cup of tea.
I find it ironic that I'm even having these thoughts. I consider myself a pacifist. I abhor violence. I do not even like boxing. I have only ever hit one person in my life (and I kicked her at that). I am still afraid of guns. I find the root of a modern war or conflict is always about economic gain, and not about an ideal. And yet to stop a war from happening - to stop so called collateral damage where the lives of other entirely innocent people happen to be claimed as we kill each other for whatever flavor we have this month - can one not make a case for SELECTIVELY being a bit persuasive?
Even some of the things I've read I've found disgusting. Modern tools aren't designed to just kill (like the Iron Maiden - ever seen one of those in real life? ugh), they are designed to break both your mind and your body. Waterboarding - strapping someone down and pouring water on their face to simulate drowning. Experts claim that if done properly waterboarding causes no lasting physical damage. If done improperly, the subject can break bones, have brain damage and die. It would be harder to say what it does to someone psychologically, but I've read where it has made people afraid to do simple daily tasks like take a shower. Can you imagine being afraid to take a shower? Ok, yes, I agree - that's a fucking bad thing, and no one should be subjected to that.
It does happen though. We do it to our own people to prepare them in case they are ever captured by enemy forces.
What about sensory deprivation? Is that torture? Some people do it for fun? Extended deprivation of all the senses can literally drive you mad. Wouldn't you break? The minute you saw light, or heard a noise other than the beat of your own heart, which you could feel but not hear, the relief would overwhelm you and you'd feel such gratitude that you would say anything to anyone just to not ever go back in the box.
Like I said: these things don't exactly sit comfortably with me. However...if the lives of 300 children and 50 teachers are at risk due to an impending biological attack, you had better bet that I will find out what I need to know in order to prevent those deaths.
Anyway, sorry, off soapbox.
I'm not offended at anything anyone has to say on this subject. I'm very curious actually to hear other POV's. I'd never really considered a stance on this until this year, except to blanketly say that "torture is wrong".
I've had a rethink.
Representation
Say you are someone taken captive by a government. Say said government whisks you away to a secret facility, where you are stripped, cavity searched, shoved naked into a room, given irregular portions of food at irregular hours, are denied sunlight, are innundated with white noise, are forced to stand for a day, or squat for two, or waterboarded. After a while, you lose track of who you are, or where you are, and your entire world becomes the walls of your cell. The outside world means nothing, and you are entirely dependent upon your captors.
Meanwhile, your family is wondering what happened to you. Where did you go? Where are you? Repeated requests for information both from your government and theirs are met with silence or outright denials. Rumors abound of "housing facilities" in other countries where people who fall into a "gray" status are kept. Is their child there? How would they find out? Could they sue? If they could, who would they sue?
Do you realize at this point that in the eyes of the world at large you no longer exist?
Do you realize that this fate could befall any of us at any moment?
Here is my issue: I support torture. Yes, yes I do. I believe that the application of torture (when carefully applied) can serve the best interests of the public at large. I am perfectly fine with sacrificing the right of the one to protect the rights of the many. Perfectly. I am not naive. The U.S. does torture; we just do not do it domestically. We do it in other countries, or through intermediaries, so at first blush we aren't getting our hands dirty. Don't lie to me and tell me we don't torture. Tell the public the truth - say yes, we torture, and we saved xxx amount of lives last year in a proposed terrorist attack due to information we were able to extract. Don't obscure the truth. Don't pass laws saying "combatants must be treated according to the Geneva Convention" and then by Executive Order sneakily circumvent this by passing your own bill that allows you to continue your offshore information collection programs.
Here are my two challenges: 1) I think everyone, regardless of national origin or religious preference (or plain nuttiness) has the basic right to legal representation. I find it immoral for any government to deny any detainee access to legal counsel. I find it inhumane to deny any detainee access to their families. But how do you allow someone to have legal counsel if that person doesn't technically exist? If the facility in which they are stored (Poland, Egypt, Israel, Mexico, Cuba, Germany, Russia) doesn't exist on paper? If the transport of those non existing people - flight manifests, private and government vehicle mileage reports and satellite tracks, etc. - is deliberately muddied thus obscuring the trail?
Lastly, so you've tortured this person you plucked from the field months ago, and reduced him to a shell of himself. What do you do with him? You can't take him home - he'd talk. You can't release him in a hospitable country...he'd still talk. What do you do?
Of course, knowing us, we'd just outsource his execution.
Meanwhile, your family is wondering what happened to you. Where did you go? Where are you? Repeated requests for information both from your government and theirs are met with silence or outright denials. Rumors abound of "housing facilities" in other countries where people who fall into a "gray" status are kept. Is their child there? How would they find out? Could they sue? If they could, who would they sue?
Do you realize at this point that in the eyes of the world at large you no longer exist?
Do you realize that this fate could befall any of us at any moment?
Here is my issue: I support torture. Yes, yes I do. I believe that the application of torture (when carefully applied) can serve the best interests of the public at large. I am perfectly fine with sacrificing the right of the one to protect the rights of the many. Perfectly. I am not naive. The U.S. does torture; we just do not do it domestically. We do it in other countries, or through intermediaries, so at first blush we aren't getting our hands dirty. Don't lie to me and tell me we don't torture. Tell the public the truth - say yes, we torture, and we saved xxx amount of lives last year in a proposed terrorist attack due to information we were able to extract. Don't obscure the truth. Don't pass laws saying "combatants must be treated according to the Geneva Convention" and then by Executive Order sneakily circumvent this by passing your own bill that allows you to continue your offshore information collection programs.
Here are my two challenges: 1) I think everyone, regardless of national origin or religious preference (or plain nuttiness) has the basic right to legal representation. I find it immoral for any government to deny any detainee access to legal counsel. I find it inhumane to deny any detainee access to their families. But how do you allow someone to have legal counsel if that person doesn't technically exist? If the facility in which they are stored (Poland, Egypt, Israel, Mexico, Cuba, Germany, Russia) doesn't exist on paper? If the transport of those non existing people - flight manifests, private and government vehicle mileage reports and satellite tracks, etc. - is deliberately muddied thus obscuring the trail?
Lastly, so you've tortured this person you plucked from the field months ago, and reduced him to a shell of himself. What do you do with him? You can't take him home - he'd talk. You can't release him in a hospitable country...he'd still talk. What do you do?
Of course, knowing us, we'd just outsource his execution.
20070808
WOW p2
A kind reader did point out to me that there are certain people who like to embrace said words in a bedroom context and find the use of said words rather naughty and thrilling.
Bully for them.
It just makes me think of housewife porn:
"Oh Thaddeus, please thrust your throbbing cock into my moist pussy".
Bully for them.
It just makes me think of housewife porn:
"Oh Thaddeus, please thrust your throbbing cock into my moist pussy".
I read in the paper this morning that the woman (here in Atlanta) who was killed last week along with two of her daughters was beaten to death. Her son and another young male relative are still in the hospital. She was in the U.S. seeking asylum for herself and her children - I believe she was Kenyan, and seeking to prevent her daughters from being forced to undergo female circumcision.
Sunday, I read about an African woman who was raped by a soldier. When he was finished, he put his rifle into her vagina and emptied the cartridge. Not only did she live, she walked for help herself. She now wants to become a nurse.
A retiree kills his wife with a nail gun, and then turns it on himself.
Another woman killed, presumably by a boyfriend, wrapped in sheets and blankets, and left in her apartment, wedged between the bed and the wall. Her head was wrapped in towels.
Shall I continue?
Sunday, I read about an African woman who was raped by a soldier. When he was finished, he put his rifle into her vagina and emptied the cartridge. Not only did she live, she walked for help herself. She now wants to become a nurse.
A retiree kills his wife with a nail gun, and then turns it on himself.
Another woman killed, presumably by a boyfriend, wrapped in sheets and blankets, and left in her apartment, wedged between the bed and the wall. Her head was wrapped in towels.
Shall I continue?
Words O Wisdom
Cunt
Whore
Slut
Bitch
Ever wonder why the worst words you can call someone are all related somehow to being a woman, and are all sexual slurs?
You'll note there are no equivalents that can be directed at men. Calling someone a bastard or an asshole or a cocksucker just doesn't have the same ring.
Ah, two thousand years of women being valued only for their role as sexual and reproductive objects have left us with SUCH a rich vocabulary.
Whore
Slut
Bitch
Ever wonder why the worst words you can call someone are all related somehow to being a woman, and are all sexual slurs?
You'll note there are no equivalents that can be directed at men. Calling someone a bastard or an asshole or a cocksucker just doesn't have the same ring.
Ah, two thousand years of women being valued only for their role as sexual and reproductive objects have left us with SUCH a rich vocabulary.
20070807
Made you Giggle
Courtesy of the NYTimes today:
Thai police who misbehave are forced to wear a FREAKING Hello Kitty Armband!
Thai police who misbehave are forced to wear a FREAKING Hello Kitty Armband!
20070806
Everyone's a Critic
Miss Madeline's taste in literature is developing, it seems.
Today, she informs me that she finds The Bell Jar quite unpalatable.
Indeed, undigestable.
As evidenced by the artfully shredded book all over my living room floor.
Please note that she left the neighboring copy of The Illiad alone.
Today, she informs me that she finds The Bell Jar quite unpalatable.
Indeed, undigestable.
As evidenced by the artfully shredded book all over my living room floor.
Please note that she left the neighboring copy of The Illiad alone.
I really haven't given much thought to the meaning behind my online moniker until...well, just now.
Eliza Dolittle. Portrayed quite beautifully/radiantly by Audrey Hepburn. Cockney flower girl seeks to improve station in life by paying for speech lessons. Rain in Spain and all that. Finds professor of elocution. Learns to speak the proper Kings English. Becomes a tool of the professor's arrogance, and yet still manages to fall in love with him. Has someone fall in love with her that could offer her an escape, and yet turns that down and returns to the professor, who realizes after all that he is in the wrong, and that she is the right one for him. I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face...the way she whistles night and noon...her ups her downs...are second nature to me now...like breathing out and breathing in....
Which brought me to an interesting point: why do we want the people we love to change? Why do we tell ourselves things like "I'd marry him if only he'd (insert here: grow up, get a job, put the seat down, wear matching socks, call his mother, mow the grass)" or say things like "Well, she's great but she's not wife material because (insert here: she's sloppy, she puts the toilet paper on the wrong way, she doesn't like to cook, she wants someone to look after her, she only does laundry once a month, she spends too much money, etc.).
As LG pointed out, the very things that initially attract us to someone end up being the things that we MOST want to change. Why is that?
Being a pop culture whore today (please note frequent use of the word doesn't disempower it), I conclude with a statement from a world famous, profound mariner:
"I am what I am" (toot toot!)
Eliza Dolittle. Portrayed quite beautifully/radiantly by Audrey Hepburn. Cockney flower girl seeks to improve station in life by paying for speech lessons. Rain in Spain and all that. Finds professor of elocution. Learns to speak the proper Kings English. Becomes a tool of the professor's arrogance, and yet still manages to fall in love with him. Has someone fall in love with her that could offer her an escape, and yet turns that down and returns to the professor, who realizes after all that he is in the wrong, and that she is the right one for him. I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face...the way she whistles night and noon...her ups her downs...are second nature to me now...like breathing out and breathing in....
Which brought me to an interesting point: why do we want the people we love to change? Why do we tell ourselves things like "I'd marry him if only he'd (insert here: grow up, get a job, put the seat down, wear matching socks, call his mother, mow the grass)" or say things like "Well, she's great but she's not wife material because (insert here: she's sloppy, she puts the toilet paper on the wrong way, she doesn't like to cook, she wants someone to look after her, she only does laundry once a month, she spends too much money, etc.).
As LG pointed out, the very things that initially attract us to someone end up being the things that we MOST want to change. Why is that?
Being a pop culture whore today (please note frequent use of the word doesn't disempower it), I conclude with a statement from a world famous, profound mariner:
"I am what I am" (toot toot!)
20070802
I have to think that out of extreme misery comes things of extreme joy. You know, Van Gogh was definitely gaga, and yet he managed to create some of the most beautiful and enduring works of art known to us today. Tchaikosvky (not bothering with spellcheck, sorry) was a depressed, gay bastard....but he sure did write some lovely music. Beethoven was depressed and partially deaf, but managed to write what he only could hear in his head. I don't think Hemingway was particularly happy either - now, I'm not too fond of his works, but arguably he's one of the American "greats".
How does one channel that blackness of emotion into something creative? I mean, it eats at you, doesn't it? If you are a creative person, and you have such issues, do you have to create in order to keep that blackness at bay?
Just curious.
How does one channel that blackness of emotion into something creative? I mean, it eats at you, doesn't it? If you are a creative person, and you have such issues, do you have to create in order to keep that blackness at bay?
Just curious.
It's a really bad idea to let me go to bed angry or upset. I tend to stew on it all night, and whatever was making me angry the night/day before just upsets me all the more.
You know, time teaches you to be a flexible person. I don't mean touching your toes, I mean, mentally and emotionally flexible. You learn to apologize and mean it, you learn to admit it when you are wrong, and to do it with grace and style. I admit it when I'm wrong (when I realize it), and if I was horrid, I apologize. It's a simple formula for keeping the peace, be it with friendships, relationships, family or whatever. Veerrrryyy simple, and learned at the parental knee. It's not a weakness; it's a sign of maturity.
Why don't some people get it?
You know, time teaches you to be a flexible person. I don't mean touching your toes, I mean, mentally and emotionally flexible. You learn to apologize and mean it, you learn to admit it when you are wrong, and to do it with grace and style. I admit it when I'm wrong (when I realize it), and if I was horrid, I apologize. It's a simple formula for keeping the peace, be it with friendships, relationships, family or whatever. Veerrrryyy simple, and learned at the parental knee. It's not a weakness; it's a sign of maturity.
Why don't some people get it?
Life Goes On, Yeah
La da da da life goes on!
Happy Thursday! Seems there never is enough time in the week to do anything these days, least of all time to take out for myself. How did that happen?
Nothing exciting happening in la la land. The normal SOSDD rules apply. Normal strife, work b/s (how is it when you take a vacation day and end up working your boss doesn't say "You know, Eliza, since you worked all day, this day doesn't COUNT as a vacation day?" - Just Curious). We've finally gotten to the part of the database class that I should be good at - the part where you do something instead of sitting around talking about freaking theory. The professional communications class? Oh, 100, of course. *yawn* No mid terms in either class, which is good...otherwise I'd be tied to the house this weekend.
And in relation to retail therapy - I was right. Mall, Money - everything sucks! I found one item that I really, really liked....and I may spend lots of money on a good Coach bag, but ask me to spend $130 on a sweater and I balk. Weird, I know. The fall stuff isn't really "in" yet...and what I saw wasn't impressive. Why is there no stuff for in between people? I swear, it's either all tarty teenage clothes or really fussy middle age mom clothes. Can't I be appealing and well dressed and thirty three? Please don't say Ann Taylor - I hate AT. Stodgy. Banana, yes...and when I can afford it...Anthropologie! Lovely things in there, simply lovely. Otherwise, INC from Macy's and an assorted hodge podge of stuff. I think I have some pants from the Limited; for some reason I have bright pink cords...don't know what possessed me....I don't even like pink.
Anyway, quite rambling. Don't want to go to work. Want to stay in bed and work on the house and do a ton of nothing today. Haven't read a book in two weeks. Most unlike me.
Happy Thursday! Seems there never is enough time in the week to do anything these days, least of all time to take out for myself. How did that happen?
Nothing exciting happening in la la land. The normal SOSDD rules apply. Normal strife, work b/s (how is it when you take a vacation day and end up working your boss doesn't say "You know, Eliza, since you worked all day, this day doesn't COUNT as a vacation day?" - Just Curious). We've finally gotten to the part of the database class that I should be good at - the part where you do something instead of sitting around talking about freaking theory. The professional communications class? Oh, 100, of course. *yawn* No mid terms in either class, which is good...otherwise I'd be tied to the house this weekend.
And in relation to retail therapy - I was right. Mall, Money - everything sucks! I found one item that I really, really liked....and I may spend lots of money on a good Coach bag, but ask me to spend $130 on a sweater and I balk. Weird, I know. The fall stuff isn't really "in" yet...and what I saw wasn't impressive. Why is there no stuff for in between people? I swear, it's either all tarty teenage clothes or really fussy middle age mom clothes. Can't I be appealing and well dressed and thirty three? Please don't say Ann Taylor - I hate AT. Stodgy. Banana, yes...and when I can afford it...Anthropologie! Lovely things in there, simply lovely. Otherwise, INC from Macy's and an assorted hodge podge of stuff. I think I have some pants from the Limited; for some reason I have bright pink cords...don't know what possessed me....I don't even like pink.
Anyway, quite rambling. Don't want to go to work. Want to stay in bed and work on the house and do a ton of nothing today. Haven't read a book in two weeks. Most unlike me.
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