I have learned a horrible technique from Dilbert, a horrible, bad, terrible, Machiavellian strategy to deploy upon people that inspires fear into any situation.

Arrive late. Deploy bad news that is crippling to said situation. Sit back. Enjoy the mayhem.

I just did this to my classmates in the eleventh hour of our project. Long ago I identified someone as the weakest link and, as foretold, he has dropped from the fold. The project is due Saturday, minus and entire person’s contributions – oh my! Whatever shall we do??? Should we call them? Email again (for, I might add, what is only the eleventh time, as this has existed as a potential problem since the middle of the course, three weeks ago, when I first pointed out this potential risk).

One should, after all, have a mitigation strategy, however trivial it may seem at the time.

So in the eleventh hour I’ve had two plans in my back pocket all along: persuade my remaining team mates to take on our missing idiot’s sections equally (done) and email the professor in an appeal of some sort of charitable “please don’t make us have to do this” good natured “ha ha, we’re all adults here” sort of way that I’m sure won’t work (also done).

Everyone is panicked that this will somehow sink us. I asked what grades everyone received on the project at mid term – high nineties. What could sink us? The professor is not so unreasonable as to fail the entire team as punishment for the actions of an independent contributor; a grade that heinous would result in complaints to the dean. Especially if it meant someone failed; I wasn’t mocking anyone. I just thought that was an unreasonable concern.

After all – we had a plan. We just have to see how it turns out.

Dilbertian indeed.