I found myself saying two things quite frequently this weekend:
I need to learn to let things go, usually followed by, why do I bother to plan.
We'd make great plans for what was supposed to be a great get away weekend to NC for Kim's wedding. We were going to leisurely make our way up to NC on Friday in time for the bridal shower. Due to a transportation complication, we missed the entire shower, and arrived just in time to eat a cold hamburger and say goodnight to the bride's parents as they were leaving to drive to the wedding site an hour away.
Saturday was going to be spent having German food for lunch (which everyone adores, although I can't stand sausage, so I had a greek salad, making me the odd girl out - go ahead and laugh, everyone else does). Then we had two emergencies: lack of gifts, and lack of clothing. Mr. Manners and I had planned a trip to the water park - Charlotte has built a Class III and IV whitewater rafting park in a controlled environment, and I figured that would be a perfect way to get over my fear of what happened on the Ocoee with that asshole I used to be married to. But....that didn't happen. No, instead we spent two and a half hours at the mall, and I spent twenty minutes of that two hours on the phone, trying to figure out where various members of my family had utterly disappeared to. Grrrr. Get home....we have enough time to go for a walk in the park before it is time to get ready for our TWO HOUR DRIVE to the rehearsal dinner. We aren't in the wedding and somehow we are going to dinner. Anyway, that was nice...free meal, right? It wasn't even awkward...we were at the opposite end of the table from the folks we didn't know, so it was like having dinner with mom and dad.
MidSis and I had discussed having our hair put up in updo's. I had decided, in my sleep, I suppose, that it would be a waste of time and money to do that when I really needed to be doing school and not fussing with hair (which would just fall out when it hit the humidity anyway). So she came to get me up to go, I told her I would go with her but I wasn't getting it done, and she got all snippy, so I got snippy back...but got up, and got in the shower. She came in the bathroom and saw that my hair was wet and said "that's what I was afraid of". She left the house, essentially, saying nothing. Which upset me, and made me cry. Now I'm on the back deck underneath the awning, with the dogs, doing my schoolwork, sitting among the flowers, with the fountain going, and I'm still angry and my feelings are hurt but I am trying to let it go.
Oh, I just swallowed a bug. Gross. Porch living.
Lastly, let's talk about my weight. Every person has said something to be about it. Yeah, I am a bit too thin. No, I am not vomiting up my dinner. I'm not taking laxatives. I'm not starving myself. I eat. Ask Mr. Manners. The thing is - the Topamax does some weird stuff to you. Dr. Bosse warned me that the higher dose had some interesting side effects - like tingling in your extremeties. I was driving one day and my arms turned into long dangly rubber arms, kind of like Gumby. That wouldn't steer the car. On the highway. Odd and frightening. Your eyes see arms. Your brain says "rubber thingies". Hm. My toes tingle a lot, but then it will go away. I wake up feeling like my dogs must feel when they run in their sleep - my right calf has a permanent cramp. Topamax has killed my taste buds. Sometimes I eat, sometimes I don't. I'm at 110. Leave me be!
I'll let you know how the wedding goes.
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4 comments:
No offence, but it sounds like your
perception of right/wrong, rude/ok, and choice of medicine are all out of whack. A guy's point of view, anyway.
I would assume your Mr. Manners has tried to tell you something like this too.
I'm afraid I'm stuck with choice of meds. This is the fourth preventative treatment I've tried for migraines, in addition to the stuff I have to take when I get them, to actually treat them. Do you have any alternative suggestions? I am ALWAYS open to new ideas. I can't stand having to take pills twice a day forever and ever.
Sorry - I wish I had some magic info for you about migraines. They are nasty and debilitating, that much I know. But, not to sound like a health freak, the people I've known that had them never did any thing strenuous . That is, they were under a lot of stress due to their job, etc.. They walked, sure. But I'm talking about an hour or so of really fast, constant exercise, several times a week. And exercise reduces stress. My 2 cents, anyway.
You know, I used to lift weights and do an hour of cardio, and play soccer twice a week...that didn't seem to make much difference. The doctor and I have determined that they very worst ones are hormonal - so very bad swings in hormones, like right before my period, almost ALWAYS trigger a 1 - 2 day full on migraine. The others aren't so bad and can be medicated out of existence. I've learned to live with those....they can be managed with sleep, exercise, etc. The ones brought on by swings in hormones I can feel coming...those are the ones...well, let's just say I've even tried things like primrose tea, and that doesn't even work!
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