There comes a time in everyone's life where you have to stop carrying around the sins of your past like a piece of sackcloth, smearing yourself with ashes every few months like some ultra penitent Franciscan. I admit quite fully that I am human, that I am not infallible, and that I make mistakes.
I am not the sum of my mistakes, and neither is anyone else.
I do not judge others by their mistakes; what gives you the right to judge me by mine?
The details of my marriage and divorce are things I will never again speak of to another human being. I am fully aware of my own sins, of my ex-husband’s sins, and I do not need to be “pre judged” by anyone else in the future. I am not proud of my marriage, I am not proud of the person I became. By the way, I punish myself enough, thank you, and do not need anyone else’s help in this matter.
Only now have I gotten to a point in life where I feel good about myself. I am relatively content with my house, with myself, with my family, and with my career. I have made peace with my past. It is what it is. And I’m proud of the life I have carved out for myself, issue laden as it is, it is still mine, and I made it for myself.
Ironically, this has taught me that full disclosure of one’s past is going to have negative repercussions no matter whom you tell. It makes you have a lot of faith in humanity, it truly does.
20070813
Animals in Prison
So I went to the aquarium with Mr. Manners this weekend.
Imagine his surprise when he found out that the present his ex girlfriend gave him - a membership to the aquarium - had been transferred to her sister (who doesn't even live in the United States!).
Y'all know that I do not like aquariums, zoos, circuses, etc. I do not like animals in cages, in plexiglass, in wire, etc.
However, except for all the idiots wandering around, I will say that I had a nice time, and that Bernie did a nice job.
Imagine his surprise when he found out that the present his ex girlfriend gave him - a membership to the aquarium - had been transferred to her sister (who doesn't even live in the United States!).
Y'all know that I do not like aquariums, zoos, circuses, etc. I do not like animals in cages, in plexiglass, in wire, etc.
However, except for all the idiots wandering around, I will say that I had a nice time, and that Bernie did a nice job.
20070810
Simply Smashing
The day started off just great.
I went to take the trash out, and do a few little things outside before it got hell hot, and Maddy took my glasses off the bathroom counter and ate them. Not ate them like just gnawed on the plastic. Ate them like ate off all the plastic, popped out a lens, and scratched the lenses so badly they are unuseable. When I saw them on the floor, they looked kinda ok...until I picked them up.
Then I did something I'm not proud of. I had one of what I call "daddy moments". Growing up, my dad had a really scary bad temper, and we were all afraid of making him mad (until we realized it was mostly bluster when we got older - sorry, Dad!). You know, that kind of roaring, throwing things, kicking doors, punching things (not people) kind of angry. I have that temper too, but I try to keep a very tight lid on it because I don't think that is appropriate behavior. Anyhow, when I picked the glasses up, I flipped out. I grabbed Maddy by the scruff and started screeching at her "you are such a bad fucking dog...why do you gotta do this to me?" and spanking her like there was no tomorrow. Now, she doesn't try to wiggle off or run away or bite, she just lays there and takes it. So I let her go and she ran to her bed.
"Why, Mommy, why?" from her little puppy eyes...which made me really just start to sob. And sob.
Little Miss Maddy pops out of her bed and comes over, nuzzles me, and lays on my feet. I love my dog. I was an ass (so was she) and she loves me anyway.
So off to Dr. R's I go; I have to spend $500 on a new pair. I just bought these last October. I'm still pretty mad. I almost got rearended in Dr. R's parking lot (I would have stroked out).
Now, why is it that other people cannot just let one be grumpy when one is grumpy? I'm not necessarily talking about me, but when someone is in a bad mood why is it everyone's first instinct to try and cheer them up? Why? Don't you know that sometimes people just want to be left alone? Solitude isn't a thing to be feared...it is in fact quite lovely. A time for reflection, meditation, or just plain getting things done.
So the next time someone is in a bad mood, for crap's sake stop trying to cheer them up. Ask politely. If they seem uninterested, leave them alone. On behalf of grumpy people everywhere, we thank you for it :-)
I went to take the trash out, and do a few little things outside before it got hell hot, and Maddy took my glasses off the bathroom counter and ate them. Not ate them like just gnawed on the plastic. Ate them like ate off all the plastic, popped out a lens, and scratched the lenses so badly they are unuseable. When I saw them on the floor, they looked kinda ok...until I picked them up.
Then I did something I'm not proud of. I had one of what I call "daddy moments". Growing up, my dad had a really scary bad temper, and we were all afraid of making him mad (until we realized it was mostly bluster when we got older - sorry, Dad!). You know, that kind of roaring, throwing things, kicking doors, punching things (not people) kind of angry. I have that temper too, but I try to keep a very tight lid on it because I don't think that is appropriate behavior. Anyhow, when I picked the glasses up, I flipped out. I grabbed Maddy by the scruff and started screeching at her "you are such a bad fucking dog...why do you gotta do this to me?" and spanking her like there was no tomorrow. Now, she doesn't try to wiggle off or run away or bite, she just lays there and takes it. So I let her go and she ran to her bed.
"Why, Mommy, why?" from her little puppy eyes...which made me really just start to sob. And sob.
Little Miss Maddy pops out of her bed and comes over, nuzzles me, and lays on my feet. I love my dog. I was an ass (so was she) and she loves me anyway.
So off to Dr. R's I go; I have to spend $500 on a new pair. I just bought these last October. I'm still pretty mad. I almost got rearended in Dr. R's parking lot (I would have stroked out).
Now, why is it that other people cannot just let one be grumpy when one is grumpy? I'm not necessarily talking about me, but when someone is in a bad mood why is it everyone's first instinct to try and cheer them up? Why? Don't you know that sometimes people just want to be left alone? Solitude isn't a thing to be feared...it is in fact quite lovely. A time for reflection, meditation, or just plain getting things done.
So the next time someone is in a bad mood, for crap's sake stop trying to cheer them up. Ask politely. If they seem uninterested, leave them alone. On behalf of grumpy people everywhere, we thank you for it :-)
Another worthy article of note:
Thank Psychology Today
"You are not valuing your own self enough to make yourself a full partner to a relationship. That failure to validate yourself is going to undermine any choice you ever make. If you respected yourself more, you would be able to exercise your own judgment—and see that you've limited your possibilities to two men with serious flaws for a relationship. It's almost impossible to build a joint future—the purpose of marriage—with someone who has different views of life than you do, unless you talk those views out thoroughly and can make them mesh in very specific ways."
And from another article, for any women out there who have sat in a relationship or marriage for a long time before deciding to leave:
"The letters make it clear that the women fall for the guys quickly, then spend a long time in struggles to transform their mate before coming to rue their choice of partner."
Thank Psychology Today
"You are not valuing your own self enough to make yourself a full partner to a relationship. That failure to validate yourself is going to undermine any choice you ever make. If you respected yourself more, you would be able to exercise your own judgment—and see that you've limited your possibilities to two men with serious flaws for a relationship. It's almost impossible to build a joint future—the purpose of marriage—with someone who has different views of life than you do, unless you talk those views out thoroughly and can make them mesh in very specific ways."
And from another article, for any women out there who have sat in a relationship or marriage for a long time before deciding to leave:
"The letters make it clear that the women fall for the guys quickly, then spend a long time in struggles to transform their mate before coming to rue their choice of partner."
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
Not that The Mirror is exactly a reputable news site, but I'm attaching excerpts from an article I read today anyway.
Top Ten Passion Killers
" 1 NEVER ARGUING
Couples who don't fall out may look like they have a perfect relationship but in reality the opposite is probably true.
"If you never argue, at least one person's needs aren't being met," says sex and relationship counsellor Denise Knowles.
"This may eventually lead to resentment or emotional distance," explains Denise.
Either way, it doesn't make for satisfying sex because you're not in touch with what you want.
"Think about what you want from your relationship - not just sexually," she says.
"Then suggest doing these things. Look out for local events, classes or activities to inspire you. Take one step at a time."
2 NAME CALLING
Arguing can resolve conflict but do it in the wrong way and you can cause permanent damage.
According to US psychologist Dr John Gottman from Boston University, it takes five positive comments to balance one negative comment such as name-calling.
He and his colleagues listened to a 15-minute conversation between 700 newly-married couples, noting the ratio between negative and positive comments.
Using this 5:1 ratio as a guide, they predicted whether or not the couples would stay together over the next 10 years with startling 94 per cent accuracy.
Denise explains: "When you call someone a name, you're moving away from the issue and attacking them personally.
"Put-downs such as 'fat bitch' are hurtful, never forgotten and unlikely to inspire passion."
3 NO QUALITY TIME
One or both of you work long hours and by the time you've put the kids to bed, you have barely enough energy to watch TV.
"Practicalities get in the way because they're often urgent.
"But if this happens to the exclusion of everything else, it can be a serious passion killer."
Block out time every week for you and your partner to have an uninterrupted hour or so to get back in touch with each other as individuals.
If you can't afford a night out at a fancy restaurant, go for a walk or send the kids on a sleepover, order a takeaway, open a bottle of wine and switch the phone to voicemail.
"Keep the conversation away from anything domestic - this is quality time," says Denise.
4 EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY
It starts as casual flirting at work but soon you find you're looking forward to overtime because your fellow flirtee will be there. You start going for drinks together and even confiding stuff about your personal life.
"It's fine to have friends of the opposite sex but if you get close to someone at the expense of intimacy with your partner, your relationship could become damaged even if you don't have a fullblown affair," warns Denise. "This situation may be the first sign that all isn't well at home."
Think about why it's happened and address any issues with your partner (you don't have to admit you're attracted to someone else).
5 POOR BODY IMAGE
You've recently put on weight. Your partner insists you look great but you hate being seen naked and will do almost anything to avoid sex.
"You may not be able to transform yourself into a supermodel, but there are always things you can do to improve how you look and feel," says Denise.
Set small goals - for instance, a realistic exercise programme that fits in with your lifestyle and will help you tone up.
Buy yourself some flattering underwear, have a makeover and concentrate on your good points.
.......
10 STUCK IN A SEX RUT
When you first met, you couldn't leave each other alone. Now you'd rather go shopping than get it on.
Tracey Cox reckons the main obstacle to sex in long-term relationships is the misguided belief that it has to be a marathon. In her book Quickies (£6.39, Dorling Kindersley) she advises forgetting about orgasm as a goal and making the most of snatched periods of time to build up sexual tension so that when you do finally have sex it'll be explosive.
She also suggests sending sexy texts, having sex in different places, introducing sex toys, new positions and surprising your partner by ditching the passion-killer nightwear in favour of something a little more risque now and again.
This sends the message you think your partner's worth impressing, which makes them feel good so they make the effort back." .....
Top Ten Passion Killers
" 1 NEVER ARGUING
Couples who don't fall out may look like they have a perfect relationship but in reality the opposite is probably true.
"If you never argue, at least one person's needs aren't being met," says sex and relationship counsellor Denise Knowles.
"This may eventually lead to resentment or emotional distance," explains Denise.
Either way, it doesn't make for satisfying sex because you're not in touch with what you want.
"Think about what you want from your relationship - not just sexually," she says.
"Then suggest doing these things. Look out for local events, classes or activities to inspire you. Take one step at a time."
2 NAME CALLING
Arguing can resolve conflict but do it in the wrong way and you can cause permanent damage.
According to US psychologist Dr John Gottman from Boston University, it takes five positive comments to balance one negative comment such as name-calling.
He and his colleagues listened to a 15-minute conversation between 700 newly-married couples, noting the ratio between negative and positive comments.
Using this 5:1 ratio as a guide, they predicted whether or not the couples would stay together over the next 10 years with startling 94 per cent accuracy.
Denise explains: "When you call someone a name, you're moving away from the issue and attacking them personally.
"Put-downs such as 'fat bitch' are hurtful, never forgotten and unlikely to inspire passion."
3 NO QUALITY TIME
One or both of you work long hours and by the time you've put the kids to bed, you have barely enough energy to watch TV.
"Practicalities get in the way because they're often urgent.
"But if this happens to the exclusion of everything else, it can be a serious passion killer."
Block out time every week for you and your partner to have an uninterrupted hour or so to get back in touch with each other as individuals.
If you can't afford a night out at a fancy restaurant, go for a walk or send the kids on a sleepover, order a takeaway, open a bottle of wine and switch the phone to voicemail.
"Keep the conversation away from anything domestic - this is quality time," says Denise.
4 EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY
It starts as casual flirting at work but soon you find you're looking forward to overtime because your fellow flirtee will be there. You start going for drinks together and even confiding stuff about your personal life.
"It's fine to have friends of the opposite sex but if you get close to someone at the expense of intimacy with your partner, your relationship could become damaged even if you don't have a fullblown affair," warns Denise. "This situation may be the first sign that all isn't well at home."
Think about why it's happened and address any issues with your partner (you don't have to admit you're attracted to someone else).
5 POOR BODY IMAGE
You've recently put on weight. Your partner insists you look great but you hate being seen naked and will do almost anything to avoid sex.
"You may not be able to transform yourself into a supermodel, but there are always things you can do to improve how you look and feel," says Denise.
Set small goals - for instance, a realistic exercise programme that fits in with your lifestyle and will help you tone up.
Buy yourself some flattering underwear, have a makeover and concentrate on your good points.
.......
10 STUCK IN A SEX RUT
When you first met, you couldn't leave each other alone. Now you'd rather go shopping than get it on.
Tracey Cox reckons the main obstacle to sex in long-term relationships is the misguided belief that it has to be a marathon. In her book Quickies (£6.39, Dorling Kindersley) she advises forgetting about orgasm as a goal and making the most of snatched periods of time to build up sexual tension so that when you do finally have sex it'll be explosive.
She also suggests sending sexy texts, having sex in different places, introducing sex toys, new positions and surprising your partner by ditching the passion-killer nightwear in favour of something a little more risque now and again.
This sends the message you think your partner's worth impressing, which makes them feel good so they make the effort back." .....
20070809
Friends
A friend and I were chatting, and we got to wondering:
Do you think you subconciously chose your friends because they have something you lack? Are they the check to your balance?
I have friends that are impulsive and social; those of you who know me know that I am NEVER impulsive (I overthink) and I am definitely not social(hermit comes to mind).
I have friends that are serious, quality bargain hunters, while I am defintely not.
See what I'm saying?
WTF Blogger ate this the first time.
Was also looking at trips abroad. The dollar is too weak. I love our current economic policy. Let the dollar stay week, because it encourages exports and sales of US products abroad. Meanwhile, people who want to travel or invest abroad are screwed.
Do you think you subconciously chose your friends because they have something you lack? Are they the check to your balance?
I have friends that are impulsive and social; those of you who know me know that I am NEVER impulsive (I overthink) and I am definitely not social(hermit comes to mind).
I have friends that are serious, quality bargain hunters, while I am defintely not.
See what I'm saying?
WTF Blogger ate this the first time.
Was also looking at trips abroad. The dollar is too weak. I love our current economic policy. Let the dollar stay week, because it encourages exports and sales of US products abroad. Meanwhile, people who want to travel or invest abroad are screwed.
Here is something else to think about:
What I wrote below could happen to you, at any time, at any place. Your life could just about be erased. You could never be heard from again. You could just...disappear?
Think I'm wrong? Think again. If it's easy for someone to steal your identity (hit your mailbox, your trash, rob your house, lift your wallet, phish you) and ruin your life, it is just as easy for some anonymous person/persons to come and whisk you off.
It's a slippery moral slope indeed, sanctioning torture as a government. But then again...who said government existed to be moral? I thought it existed to protect the interests of it's people? You can also make the argument that we should not torture just because our ever shifting and nebulous "enemies" do it...and that by doing it, we lower ourselves to their level. To which I say PSHAW! or perhaps PHOEY! It becomes a matter of splitting a hair. If you accept that taking another human life is wrong, then by extension war must be wrong (regardless of circumstance), therefore self defense is wrong (meek shall inherit, etc), and therefore you should lay down and let things be perpetrated against you.
Right. It's natural to fear death. It's natural to fight back, to stand up for yourself and assert yourself when threatened. 50 years of National Geographic should have taught us all that :-)
BTW, just because I said I agree with it doesn't mean I could do it myself. I would be frighteningly comfortable with the psychological aspects of it, but physical torture, sexual degredation, etc. would not be my cup of tea.
I find it ironic that I'm even having these thoughts. I consider myself a pacifist. I abhor violence. I do not even like boxing. I have only ever hit one person in my life (and I kicked her at that). I am still afraid of guns. I find the root of a modern war or conflict is always about economic gain, and not about an ideal. And yet to stop a war from happening - to stop so called collateral damage where the lives of other entirely innocent people happen to be claimed as we kill each other for whatever flavor we have this month - can one not make a case for SELECTIVELY being a bit persuasive?
Even some of the things I've read I've found disgusting. Modern tools aren't designed to just kill (like the Iron Maiden - ever seen one of those in real life? ugh), they are designed to break both your mind and your body. Waterboarding - strapping someone down and pouring water on their face to simulate drowning. Experts claim that if done properly waterboarding causes no lasting physical damage. If done improperly, the subject can break bones, have brain damage and die. It would be harder to say what it does to someone psychologically, but I've read where it has made people afraid to do simple daily tasks like take a shower. Can you imagine being afraid to take a shower? Ok, yes, I agree - that's a fucking bad thing, and no one should be subjected to that.
It does happen though. We do it to our own people to prepare them in case they are ever captured by enemy forces.
What about sensory deprivation? Is that torture? Some people do it for fun? Extended deprivation of all the senses can literally drive you mad. Wouldn't you break? The minute you saw light, or heard a noise other than the beat of your own heart, which you could feel but not hear, the relief would overwhelm you and you'd feel such gratitude that you would say anything to anyone just to not ever go back in the box.
Like I said: these things don't exactly sit comfortably with me. However...if the lives of 300 children and 50 teachers are at risk due to an impending biological attack, you had better bet that I will find out what I need to know in order to prevent those deaths.
Anyway, sorry, off soapbox.
I'm not offended at anything anyone has to say on this subject. I'm very curious actually to hear other POV's. I'd never really considered a stance on this until this year, except to blanketly say that "torture is wrong".
I've had a rethink.
What I wrote below could happen to you, at any time, at any place. Your life could just about be erased. You could never be heard from again. You could just...disappear?
Think I'm wrong? Think again. If it's easy for someone to steal your identity (hit your mailbox, your trash, rob your house, lift your wallet, phish you) and ruin your life, it is just as easy for some anonymous person/persons to come and whisk you off.
It's a slippery moral slope indeed, sanctioning torture as a government. But then again...who said government existed to be moral? I thought it existed to protect the interests of it's people? You can also make the argument that we should not torture just because our ever shifting and nebulous "enemies" do it...and that by doing it, we lower ourselves to their level. To which I say PSHAW! or perhaps PHOEY! It becomes a matter of splitting a hair. If you accept that taking another human life is wrong, then by extension war must be wrong (regardless of circumstance), therefore self defense is wrong (meek shall inherit, etc), and therefore you should lay down and let things be perpetrated against you.
Right. It's natural to fear death. It's natural to fight back, to stand up for yourself and assert yourself when threatened. 50 years of National Geographic should have taught us all that :-)
BTW, just because I said I agree with it doesn't mean I could do it myself. I would be frighteningly comfortable with the psychological aspects of it, but physical torture, sexual degredation, etc. would not be my cup of tea.
I find it ironic that I'm even having these thoughts. I consider myself a pacifist. I abhor violence. I do not even like boxing. I have only ever hit one person in my life (and I kicked her at that). I am still afraid of guns. I find the root of a modern war or conflict is always about economic gain, and not about an ideal. And yet to stop a war from happening - to stop so called collateral damage where the lives of other entirely innocent people happen to be claimed as we kill each other for whatever flavor we have this month - can one not make a case for SELECTIVELY being a bit persuasive?
Even some of the things I've read I've found disgusting. Modern tools aren't designed to just kill (like the Iron Maiden - ever seen one of those in real life? ugh), they are designed to break both your mind and your body. Waterboarding - strapping someone down and pouring water on their face to simulate drowning. Experts claim that if done properly waterboarding causes no lasting physical damage. If done improperly, the subject can break bones, have brain damage and die. It would be harder to say what it does to someone psychologically, but I've read where it has made people afraid to do simple daily tasks like take a shower. Can you imagine being afraid to take a shower? Ok, yes, I agree - that's a fucking bad thing, and no one should be subjected to that.
It does happen though. We do it to our own people to prepare them in case they are ever captured by enemy forces.
What about sensory deprivation? Is that torture? Some people do it for fun? Extended deprivation of all the senses can literally drive you mad. Wouldn't you break? The minute you saw light, or heard a noise other than the beat of your own heart, which you could feel but not hear, the relief would overwhelm you and you'd feel such gratitude that you would say anything to anyone just to not ever go back in the box.
Like I said: these things don't exactly sit comfortably with me. However...if the lives of 300 children and 50 teachers are at risk due to an impending biological attack, you had better bet that I will find out what I need to know in order to prevent those deaths.
Anyway, sorry, off soapbox.
I'm not offended at anything anyone has to say on this subject. I'm very curious actually to hear other POV's. I'd never really considered a stance on this until this year, except to blanketly say that "torture is wrong".
I've had a rethink.
Representation
Say you are someone taken captive by a government. Say said government whisks you away to a secret facility, where you are stripped, cavity searched, shoved naked into a room, given irregular portions of food at irregular hours, are denied sunlight, are innundated with white noise, are forced to stand for a day, or squat for two, or waterboarded. After a while, you lose track of who you are, or where you are, and your entire world becomes the walls of your cell. The outside world means nothing, and you are entirely dependent upon your captors.
Meanwhile, your family is wondering what happened to you. Where did you go? Where are you? Repeated requests for information both from your government and theirs are met with silence or outright denials. Rumors abound of "housing facilities" in other countries where people who fall into a "gray" status are kept. Is their child there? How would they find out? Could they sue? If they could, who would they sue?
Do you realize at this point that in the eyes of the world at large you no longer exist?
Do you realize that this fate could befall any of us at any moment?
Here is my issue: I support torture. Yes, yes I do. I believe that the application of torture (when carefully applied) can serve the best interests of the public at large. I am perfectly fine with sacrificing the right of the one to protect the rights of the many. Perfectly. I am not naive. The U.S. does torture; we just do not do it domestically. We do it in other countries, or through intermediaries, so at first blush we aren't getting our hands dirty. Don't lie to me and tell me we don't torture. Tell the public the truth - say yes, we torture, and we saved xxx amount of lives last year in a proposed terrorist attack due to information we were able to extract. Don't obscure the truth. Don't pass laws saying "combatants must be treated according to the Geneva Convention" and then by Executive Order sneakily circumvent this by passing your own bill that allows you to continue your offshore information collection programs.
Here are my two challenges: 1) I think everyone, regardless of national origin or religious preference (or plain nuttiness) has the basic right to legal representation. I find it immoral for any government to deny any detainee access to legal counsel. I find it inhumane to deny any detainee access to their families. But how do you allow someone to have legal counsel if that person doesn't technically exist? If the facility in which they are stored (Poland, Egypt, Israel, Mexico, Cuba, Germany, Russia) doesn't exist on paper? If the transport of those non existing people - flight manifests, private and government vehicle mileage reports and satellite tracks, etc. - is deliberately muddied thus obscuring the trail?
Lastly, so you've tortured this person you plucked from the field months ago, and reduced him to a shell of himself. What do you do with him? You can't take him home - he'd talk. You can't release him in a hospitable country...he'd still talk. What do you do?
Of course, knowing us, we'd just outsource his execution.
Meanwhile, your family is wondering what happened to you. Where did you go? Where are you? Repeated requests for information both from your government and theirs are met with silence or outright denials. Rumors abound of "housing facilities" in other countries where people who fall into a "gray" status are kept. Is their child there? How would they find out? Could they sue? If they could, who would they sue?
Do you realize at this point that in the eyes of the world at large you no longer exist?
Do you realize that this fate could befall any of us at any moment?
Here is my issue: I support torture. Yes, yes I do. I believe that the application of torture (when carefully applied) can serve the best interests of the public at large. I am perfectly fine with sacrificing the right of the one to protect the rights of the many. Perfectly. I am not naive. The U.S. does torture; we just do not do it domestically. We do it in other countries, or through intermediaries, so at first blush we aren't getting our hands dirty. Don't lie to me and tell me we don't torture. Tell the public the truth - say yes, we torture, and we saved xxx amount of lives last year in a proposed terrorist attack due to information we were able to extract. Don't obscure the truth. Don't pass laws saying "combatants must be treated according to the Geneva Convention" and then by Executive Order sneakily circumvent this by passing your own bill that allows you to continue your offshore information collection programs.
Here are my two challenges: 1) I think everyone, regardless of national origin or religious preference (or plain nuttiness) has the basic right to legal representation. I find it immoral for any government to deny any detainee access to legal counsel. I find it inhumane to deny any detainee access to their families. But how do you allow someone to have legal counsel if that person doesn't technically exist? If the facility in which they are stored (Poland, Egypt, Israel, Mexico, Cuba, Germany, Russia) doesn't exist on paper? If the transport of those non existing people - flight manifests, private and government vehicle mileage reports and satellite tracks, etc. - is deliberately muddied thus obscuring the trail?
Lastly, so you've tortured this person you plucked from the field months ago, and reduced him to a shell of himself. What do you do with him? You can't take him home - he'd talk. You can't release him in a hospitable country...he'd still talk. What do you do?
Of course, knowing us, we'd just outsource his execution.
20070808
WOW p2
A kind reader did point out to me that there are certain people who like to embrace said words in a bedroom context and find the use of said words rather naughty and thrilling.
Bully for them.
It just makes me think of housewife porn:
"Oh Thaddeus, please thrust your throbbing cock into my moist pussy".
Bully for them.
It just makes me think of housewife porn:
"Oh Thaddeus, please thrust your throbbing cock into my moist pussy".
I read in the paper this morning that the woman (here in Atlanta) who was killed last week along with two of her daughters was beaten to death. Her son and another young male relative are still in the hospital. She was in the U.S. seeking asylum for herself and her children - I believe she was Kenyan, and seeking to prevent her daughters from being forced to undergo female circumcision.
Sunday, I read about an African woman who was raped by a soldier. When he was finished, he put his rifle into her vagina and emptied the cartridge. Not only did she live, she walked for help herself. She now wants to become a nurse.
A retiree kills his wife with a nail gun, and then turns it on himself.
Another woman killed, presumably by a boyfriend, wrapped in sheets and blankets, and left in her apartment, wedged between the bed and the wall. Her head was wrapped in towels.
Shall I continue?
Sunday, I read about an African woman who was raped by a soldier. When he was finished, he put his rifle into her vagina and emptied the cartridge. Not only did she live, she walked for help herself. She now wants to become a nurse.
A retiree kills his wife with a nail gun, and then turns it on himself.
Another woman killed, presumably by a boyfriend, wrapped in sheets and blankets, and left in her apartment, wedged between the bed and the wall. Her head was wrapped in towels.
Shall I continue?
Words O Wisdom
Cunt
Whore
Slut
Bitch
Ever wonder why the worst words you can call someone are all related somehow to being a woman, and are all sexual slurs?
You'll note there are no equivalents that can be directed at men. Calling someone a bastard or an asshole or a cocksucker just doesn't have the same ring.
Ah, two thousand years of women being valued only for their role as sexual and reproductive objects have left us with SUCH a rich vocabulary.
Whore
Slut
Bitch
Ever wonder why the worst words you can call someone are all related somehow to being a woman, and are all sexual slurs?
You'll note there are no equivalents that can be directed at men. Calling someone a bastard or an asshole or a cocksucker just doesn't have the same ring.
Ah, two thousand years of women being valued only for their role as sexual and reproductive objects have left us with SUCH a rich vocabulary.
20070807
Made you Giggle
Courtesy of the NYTimes today:
Thai police who misbehave are forced to wear a FREAKING Hello Kitty Armband!
Thai police who misbehave are forced to wear a FREAKING Hello Kitty Armband!
20070806
Everyone's a Critic
Miss Madeline's taste in literature is developing, it seems.
Today, she informs me that she finds The Bell Jar quite unpalatable.
Indeed, undigestable.
As evidenced by the artfully shredded book all over my living room floor.
Please note that she left the neighboring copy of The Illiad alone.
Today, she informs me that she finds The Bell Jar quite unpalatable.
Indeed, undigestable.
As evidenced by the artfully shredded book all over my living room floor.
Please note that she left the neighboring copy of The Illiad alone.
I really haven't given much thought to the meaning behind my online moniker until...well, just now.
Eliza Dolittle. Portrayed quite beautifully/radiantly by Audrey Hepburn. Cockney flower girl seeks to improve station in life by paying for speech lessons. Rain in Spain and all that. Finds professor of elocution. Learns to speak the proper Kings English. Becomes a tool of the professor's arrogance, and yet still manages to fall in love with him. Has someone fall in love with her that could offer her an escape, and yet turns that down and returns to the professor, who realizes after all that he is in the wrong, and that she is the right one for him. I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face...the way she whistles night and noon...her ups her downs...are second nature to me now...like breathing out and breathing in....
Which brought me to an interesting point: why do we want the people we love to change? Why do we tell ourselves things like "I'd marry him if only he'd (insert here: grow up, get a job, put the seat down, wear matching socks, call his mother, mow the grass)" or say things like "Well, she's great but she's not wife material because (insert here: she's sloppy, she puts the toilet paper on the wrong way, she doesn't like to cook, she wants someone to look after her, she only does laundry once a month, she spends too much money, etc.).
As LG pointed out, the very things that initially attract us to someone end up being the things that we MOST want to change. Why is that?
Being a pop culture whore today (please note frequent use of the word doesn't disempower it), I conclude with a statement from a world famous, profound mariner:
"I am what I am" (toot toot!)
Eliza Dolittle. Portrayed quite beautifully/radiantly by Audrey Hepburn. Cockney flower girl seeks to improve station in life by paying for speech lessons. Rain in Spain and all that. Finds professor of elocution. Learns to speak the proper Kings English. Becomes a tool of the professor's arrogance, and yet still manages to fall in love with him. Has someone fall in love with her that could offer her an escape, and yet turns that down and returns to the professor, who realizes after all that he is in the wrong, and that she is the right one for him. I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face...the way she whistles night and noon...her ups her downs...are second nature to me now...like breathing out and breathing in....
Which brought me to an interesting point: why do we want the people we love to change? Why do we tell ourselves things like "I'd marry him if only he'd (insert here: grow up, get a job, put the seat down, wear matching socks, call his mother, mow the grass)" or say things like "Well, she's great but she's not wife material because (insert here: she's sloppy, she puts the toilet paper on the wrong way, she doesn't like to cook, she wants someone to look after her, she only does laundry once a month, she spends too much money, etc.).
As LG pointed out, the very things that initially attract us to someone end up being the things that we MOST want to change. Why is that?
Being a pop culture whore today (please note frequent use of the word doesn't disempower it), I conclude with a statement from a world famous, profound mariner:
"I am what I am" (toot toot!)
20070802
I have to think that out of extreme misery comes things of extreme joy. You know, Van Gogh was definitely gaga, and yet he managed to create some of the most beautiful and enduring works of art known to us today. Tchaikosvky (not bothering with spellcheck, sorry) was a depressed, gay bastard....but he sure did write some lovely music. Beethoven was depressed and partially deaf, but managed to write what he only could hear in his head. I don't think Hemingway was particularly happy either - now, I'm not too fond of his works, but arguably he's one of the American "greats".
How does one channel that blackness of emotion into something creative? I mean, it eats at you, doesn't it? If you are a creative person, and you have such issues, do you have to create in order to keep that blackness at bay?
Just curious.
How does one channel that blackness of emotion into something creative? I mean, it eats at you, doesn't it? If you are a creative person, and you have such issues, do you have to create in order to keep that blackness at bay?
Just curious.
It's a really bad idea to let me go to bed angry or upset. I tend to stew on it all night, and whatever was making me angry the night/day before just upsets me all the more.
You know, time teaches you to be a flexible person. I don't mean touching your toes, I mean, mentally and emotionally flexible. You learn to apologize and mean it, you learn to admit it when you are wrong, and to do it with grace and style. I admit it when I'm wrong (when I realize it), and if I was horrid, I apologize. It's a simple formula for keeping the peace, be it with friendships, relationships, family or whatever. Veerrrryyy simple, and learned at the parental knee. It's not a weakness; it's a sign of maturity.
Why don't some people get it?
You know, time teaches you to be a flexible person. I don't mean touching your toes, I mean, mentally and emotionally flexible. You learn to apologize and mean it, you learn to admit it when you are wrong, and to do it with grace and style. I admit it when I'm wrong (when I realize it), and if I was horrid, I apologize. It's a simple formula for keeping the peace, be it with friendships, relationships, family or whatever. Veerrrryyy simple, and learned at the parental knee. It's not a weakness; it's a sign of maturity.
Why don't some people get it?
Life Goes On, Yeah
La da da da life goes on!
Happy Thursday! Seems there never is enough time in the week to do anything these days, least of all time to take out for myself. How did that happen?
Nothing exciting happening in la la land. The normal SOSDD rules apply. Normal strife, work b/s (how is it when you take a vacation day and end up working your boss doesn't say "You know, Eliza, since you worked all day, this day doesn't COUNT as a vacation day?" - Just Curious). We've finally gotten to the part of the database class that I should be good at - the part where you do something instead of sitting around talking about freaking theory. The professional communications class? Oh, 100, of course. *yawn* No mid terms in either class, which is good...otherwise I'd be tied to the house this weekend.
And in relation to retail therapy - I was right. Mall, Money - everything sucks! I found one item that I really, really liked....and I may spend lots of money on a good Coach bag, but ask me to spend $130 on a sweater and I balk. Weird, I know. The fall stuff isn't really "in" yet...and what I saw wasn't impressive. Why is there no stuff for in between people? I swear, it's either all tarty teenage clothes or really fussy middle age mom clothes. Can't I be appealing and well dressed and thirty three? Please don't say Ann Taylor - I hate AT. Stodgy. Banana, yes...and when I can afford it...Anthropologie! Lovely things in there, simply lovely. Otherwise, INC from Macy's and an assorted hodge podge of stuff. I think I have some pants from the Limited; for some reason I have bright pink cords...don't know what possessed me....I don't even like pink.
Anyway, quite rambling. Don't want to go to work. Want to stay in bed and work on the house and do a ton of nothing today. Haven't read a book in two weeks. Most unlike me.
Happy Thursday! Seems there never is enough time in the week to do anything these days, least of all time to take out for myself. How did that happen?
Nothing exciting happening in la la land. The normal SOSDD rules apply. Normal strife, work b/s (how is it when you take a vacation day and end up working your boss doesn't say "You know, Eliza, since you worked all day, this day doesn't COUNT as a vacation day?" - Just Curious). We've finally gotten to the part of the database class that I should be good at - the part where you do something instead of sitting around talking about freaking theory. The professional communications class? Oh, 100, of course. *yawn* No mid terms in either class, which is good...otherwise I'd be tied to the house this weekend.
And in relation to retail therapy - I was right. Mall, Money - everything sucks! I found one item that I really, really liked....and I may spend lots of money on a good Coach bag, but ask me to spend $130 on a sweater and I balk. Weird, I know. The fall stuff isn't really "in" yet...and what I saw wasn't impressive. Why is there no stuff for in between people? I swear, it's either all tarty teenage clothes or really fussy middle age mom clothes. Can't I be appealing and well dressed and thirty three? Please don't say Ann Taylor - I hate AT. Stodgy. Banana, yes...and when I can afford it...Anthropologie! Lovely things in there, simply lovely. Otherwise, INC from Macy's and an assorted hodge podge of stuff. I think I have some pants from the Limited; for some reason I have bright pink cords...don't know what possessed me....I don't even like pink.
Anyway, quite rambling. Don't want to go to work. Want to stay in bed and work on the house and do a ton of nothing today. Haven't read a book in two weeks. Most unlike me.
20070801
20070726
Reprehensible
Why does the penis govern the male brain? I really do want to know what makes it acceptable behavior for a man to decide to betray one woman by sleeping with another? I may be naive, but I do think that men do this to women more than women do this to men. And why lie about it? Why CONTINUOUSLY lie about it when asked? Don't have the cojones to fess up? Just curious.
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